mcspicy chicken with fries and a coke please

at macdonalds this afternoon.

McSpicy Chicken Burger. mind went back to some years ago ,when i used to work parttime giving tuitions. one afternoon, my friend came along and said "i got something for you". "what?". and he pulled a
chicken mcgrill out of his pocket, all wrapped up and kinda flattened. that day he wasnt a friend, he was brother. for life.

Mc Donalds.. M loving it........



judge not..errr.. judge away

fear not
for i am metal head
i come to you with hope
that you may understand
the meaning of all that rocks!!!
you know if God didnt want us to head bang, He wouldnt have given us necks.

when i was growin up(like i ever will!), mom used to give freedom to choose whatever. she always knew. instilled in us the difference between right and wrong. good and bad. times have changed. our need to survive supercedes any and all. what if someone does something wrong but the motive wasnt to cause harm but to help? are we allowed to be judgemental in our approach? what if all the reasons are not clear or correctly interpreted? by being judgemental have we not cast the first stone? it is also very easy to accuse one of being judgemental. inherently we all are.

i am frequently accused of being judgemental. perhaps i am. what if im not? i have a constant need to explain my questions or actions, because people wont get what im trying to say or do. why do i do this? to "fit in". fit into what? as long as i can fit into my fav pair of jeans, nothing shud matter, right?....right? we're constantly battling ourselves and others to prove a point, when the greater cause is ignored. what is the greater cause? somebody tell me cause i lost the plot somewhere along the way.

when most of us begin this journey, we seek. in these times of blantant advertising, can it be that we've missed what we were lookin for in the first place? and then we stray. is it accident? or the truth of greater forces? is it all a lie? what if the lie was the truth? the truth definitely lies in the lie. or is the other way round? why did i ever do what i did on that fateful day? did i not think of consequence? yes, i did. did it matter? yes it did. then why am i holding my head in despair? why am i fighting all that flows? why am i fighting myself?
when the fight ends, who will emerge victorious? i reckon, the truth that lay dormant in the darkness that the lie created.

"I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity"

the walls getting higher.... in isolation i die

the walls getting higher.... in isolation i die

been a long week.

and i found out i am so good,and dont even know it.yep!!

works been drivin me crazy but im so drawn to it. there be many voids to fill and work has always been a great filler. feelin agigated lately and i dont kno what to do.

met wit some friends yesterday evenin and we went out for coffee and gossip..to a restaurant that specialised in nothingness. we spoke a lot about work. i dont have anything else to talk about(i like to work, i like my job, i just wish things were fair, but thats racism for you). and the girls threatened me. "we wont go out with you if u keep payin" {sue me}. hey if u dont wanna go out......

i was  feelin somewhat ill dis whole week. i havent had time to recover, attended office d whole week though  after i found out i could stand .but then thats how im built.


last week im told not to hate the world so much. and not to hate myself. i dont hate myself, i just dislike a lot of things, hmmm, notetoself:ignore more often. maybe its not the world i hate but the world i kno. and i kno i definitely dislike what i see. dystopian reality in an egalitarian dream!! hardy har har!! last week also had to go face to face. and i came out on top. but that still didnt change the fact that what happened was not right. im not right all the time, but when i am , I AM! deal with it you loused up idiots!!

great news this mornin, actually this afternoon, my friend Vinita got a lil baby boy.the strange part is theres this word (hyatt = life)stuck in my head from sometime last week. and guess what she calls her.....we spoke for quite a while. she may come down to India for a few daze. we got a lot of catching up to do.

and finally for all those who want to quit their job but dont kno what to write....

Dear Sir/Madam,


Subject: Resignation,


I Love Your Husband/Wife.

Thank You......... ...




GOD so rules!! truth be told here, i lag behind, disappointed and feeling condemned and angry, but HE sure knows how much punishment i can take and then HE pulls me out like nothing has happened and everything is sorted out. i may not be religious in a way conventional, ive had my share of x-file experiences with GOD, but what HE did for me this week and i asked HIM because there was no way out but a gun, and HE was there. HE WAS THERE!!

One of the most painful ingredients of human life is the moment of judgment. When you are judged for your worth, when you are judged for your talent, when you are judged for your value.

Many of us have the ability to judge ourselves the best. Most would agree that it is the most honest moment in the life of an individual. Your own rating of your ability, your strengths, your weaknesses are never flawed. It is rare when at times you surprise yourself in your own judgment. It is indeed rare, when others agree and match their assessment with yours and indeed so destroying when they do not.

Facing rejection is the most cruel biding. But facing the face of rejection is unbearable. At least for me. I would be most inefficient in rejecting. Every time I watch a reality show on TV on the announcement of the elimination of the contestants, I would myself die a hundred deaths. That moment for me as an audience  is most disconcerting. I was once appointed judge for a speech competition when in college, and I swore after that, that I would never want to be in a chair where I would have to pass judgment on another fellow human, in similar circumstances. What and how do you address the rest of the contestants, all turned up in their best, that they are lesser than the other. How can one human be less than another ? Having participated in many stage competitions i must say Those moments have been the most painful. I would rather not be there. Taking sides in an incident for me – an issue that I as an individual,  find difficult to cope with. I would rather submit and withdraw than feel the hurt that the other has been subjected to.

Many denounce me for this my temperament. Those that have access to a personal comment on me will invariably propound – ” Stop trying to be such a noble, stop trying to be Mahatma Gandhi !”
No !! It is not about nobility or Gandhism, its about the quality of my nature, my construct. I do not question its righteousness or its error, I merely express my within. This is how it is and this is how it shall remain.
So yes I watch many of the reality shows on TV with great interest and expectation, but I also invite with it on myself, the figure of rejection on others. Everyone will not win in this contest, or in life. There will be losers too. But rather than submit to fate and resign, I would want to accept that ‘so long as there is life, there is struggle’, and with that continue to keep banging against an unbreakable wall, not with any expectation that it shall give way, but with the belief that I would never have known that it would not, if I had not tried.

Ahh !!! Too philosophical for early morning

Spent sometime on the piano after long, fiddling with the keys and frustrating over the fact that I never trained to comlete the learning course .. perhaps someday I shall. Someday. Someday learn a few more languages, of my own land first and then of the international. Someday discover my country and its wealth of history culture and ethics. Someday read all that I never did read. Someday not follow routine and schedule. Someday be free from commitment to others for others. Someday be with myself, alone, away in thought and isolation … and just live …

Life without your affection and love would not be living …

Remember the good old days....oh god!! did I say "good old' coz I distinctly remember my very self waiting for the school and study life to end....I am terrified of exams more of the results, for any of you who think both are same, get yourselves examined :D !!

Over the years for sure things have definitely changed, got a call from a friend at 11.30 last night to tell me that her daughter has scored 93% I mean hello.......I think 10years down the lane students appearing for the boards they will have to score in 200%'s ? Its scary man... and I am thinking of what all parents will have to inflict on their wards in an effort to get themto excel.

Yet again....thinking whether excelling is necessary, and I have to honestly say YES though I can assure you I have not, done may be even 70% of what I could, which is what I regret. Looking around me at the oh so important achievers, feel what would be...what if, yeh hota and woh hota.

On a separate note, Went for an eye test last evening and some news channel were once again giving a coverage on the BAADSHAH (Shahrukh Khan)......Honestly guys leave the family alone man, is there nothing better to report ? :P any comments on his one people.

Keep Smiling!!!