Hey There..

Hello there,

I’ve been meaning to write a post. And every time I opened the ‘New Post’ tab, nothing would come out. Nothing. I’m at lost for words and thoughts. Life’s a rush I can’t get hold of. And there’s a lot happening around me but I didn’t and still don’t know what to write, so I’ll just ramble.

There’s this thing about people, they’re all different, different thoughts, different wants and different expectations of others. Some people just expect others to shower them with extra attention, fake smiles, and words of affection which they don’t really mean. I just don’t know what people expect of me and I don’t even care if I stand up to their expectations. Why won’t they understand, I’m ready to be friendly and nice to them, but not fake?

Woah! So, I don’t really care about all the stuff with stuck up people, I’m just enjoying life. Life’s a rush, can’t really get a hold of it, can we?

I don’t remember you looking any better. But then again I don’t remember you.

Shut up, I'm ranting.

It’s been a while since wrote a silly ‘let me just rant about stuff no one cares about’ post, isn’t it? Well, here I am to give you all live updates about my extremely mundane and ordinary life. -drum rolls-

Actually, I just felt the urge to write. Write nothing, something. I don’t really know why I’m here and what I’ll write about. I’m just here because I am and I’ll let my fingers run wild on this keyboard, hoping it makes sense. To me, to you. I usually don’t like having no goal, no direction but sometimes, you just got to go with the flow, right?

This thing is, I’m feeling weird. Confused, shocked, sad, amused, a little useless and a billion other words which can not completely describe my state of mind. Maybe even a little insane. But that’s okay, because that’s what being young is all about, isn’t it? Being confused and trying to find the meaning of all the little things that make up our life what it is. I bet old people are just as clueless as us, they just keep a straight face for our sake and theirs. I guess I’ll just have to wait a few more years to find out for myself. By ‘a few more years’ I mean ‘lots and lots of more years’ because I don’t think I’ll ever grow up into a sane adult person.

That reminds me; I’ll be in late twentie's in a few month's time. I’m so, I don’t know if there’s a word for it, somewhere between excited and scared. On one hand, I look forward to whatever comes next but on the other hand, I don’t want to grow old. Now, I know each passing year as it come's is not exactly ‘grown up’ but it’s not exactly ‘fuck the world, I’m having fun’ year too. The point is i'm scared of the future.

Future’s weird, you know. You don’t even know if you have one. You never know what’s the last thing you’ll do. Maybe this is the last post I ever type or the last one you ever read. And that scares the shit out of me. The things, they keep changing. The people, they keep leaving. I’m lucky, I guess, to be alive and have the people I love with me, at least in this moment.

Anyways, what I was wondering yesterday is, how do we know the colours we see are exactly how the other people see them? We were born with our eyes, so we’ve never seen the world through anyone else’s eyes. That means you can’t be really sure if the green you see is not anyone else’s blue. The sky is blue but maybe your blue is someone else’s red, it’s just that they call red as blue. Does that make sense? I don’t know. The point I’m trying to make is, you just need to see the world a little differently and also I’m crazy, so don’t listen to me. And you are too, if you are still reading this.

On that note, I should probably shut up, but I shall leave you with a question. What are three things you wish you could tell some one but haven’t had the courage to?

Money Can’t Buy…

Love.

At least not true love. True love is not for sale, not for any price. It is the deepest of human connections and is invaluable. However, money can be an instrument to show your love for another. You can give money freely to those in need, without expectation of repayment. You can use money to provide shelter for those you love. But if you think you can flash cash and stuff money can buy to find love, you will live a lonely life.

Happiness.

Back when I was broke, I made a connection between my emotions and my spending pattern. I was an emotional shopper. When I was sad, I bought something. When I was happy, I bought something. Hey, at least I was consistent!

Spending money in an effort to influence our own emotions just doesn’t work because dollar bills are just band-aids. We have to identify the real reasons we are sad and do what we can, within our power, to turn those emotions around. Buying video games does not work. I can tell you from experience.

Contentment.

All the money in the world isn’t enough to satisfy an insatiable appetite for stuff. Have you ever seen those lottery winner documentaries on television? You know, the ones where the auto mechanic wins the lottery and all he ever wanted was to own his own home. So he buys a home…a huge one, and suddenly has an urge to fill that home with 18th century gold statues and other seemingly ridiculous collections.

On the other hand, if we are content, no amount of money can influence our spending. If we are happy with our current home, why buy a new one? Never been interested in expensive jewlery? Why start hoarding it after a big windfall?

Respect.

I have no more respect for the guy driving a BMW than the guy riding on his motorcycle. In fact, because I’m wired the way I am, I have more respect for the guy struggling to start his motorcycle. This reminds me of a story about my old doctor in the place I used to live in. He had a large practice and I assumed he made very good money (and I’m sure he did). I already respected the guy, but one day I saw him and his family out and about. They were driving a late model family car–I think it was a Ford.

Then I began to notice he wore the same clothes I did, shopped at the same stores I did, and basically looked nothing like most doctors I knew. He lived in a modest home, drove his own car, and basically lived a frugal lifestyle. I later learned that he spent his money – doing medical mission work. I sure miss that guy!

You know what’s funny?

How we fear standing out, so we chose to look all the same.

 

How we are dying to be noticed, dying to be heard.

How we are never satisfied with what we have and we always want something more.

How we dream big and then chicken out.

How we are so obsessed with perfection that we forget to appreciate the beauty of imperfections.

How we take life for granted even when we know today can be our last.

How we want to fit in so much that we forget who we really are.

How we always try to be someone who we are not.

How we think we are not beautiful enough, not valuable enough, not good enough.

The truth is, you are beautiful, with all your imperfections. You will be heard and noticed. There’s nothing wrong about standing out, being who you are, with all you little quirks and differences. There’s nothing wrong about voicing out your opinions, taking a stand for what you believe, dreaming big and pursuing them. Life is too short to be someone who you aren’t.

Things my mom said (I wish I had paid attention to)….

Moms are smart, aren’t they? Even though we know that, there are so many things they say that we merrily ignore, and then regret when faced with the consequences of our action/inaction! Here are a few that I think about everyday.

1. “wash your face at least twice a day” – Sure, I proudly wear my teenage acne scars, like they are battle scars, but deep down I regret ignoring mom’s sane advice to wash the grubby face twice a day with an oil-free face wash. Too late to start now!

2. “Moisturize, moisturize, moisturize” – Although it is not too late to start moisturizing my skin now, I wish I had listened to her, so that I would have struck a routine of rubbing lotion all over myself, EVERY SINGLE DAY! Now I do, but very cursorily, who would bother to waste a good 15 mins doing that when you could be reading a book?

3. “Always strike a nice pose for your pictures” – I used to hate getting clicked, and was always sulky when asked to pose. I look back on my preteen and teenage pics and I shudder. There is an oily, grubby nerd staring back at the camera with a very awkward half-smile.

4. “Come and have conversations with relatives” – Yeah! We(bro and I) never believed in socializing. While mom was the very definition of social animals, my bro and I locked ourselves in our rooms, reading books, playing games or whatever. I sulked and sat on the sofa for a minute or so, when called to greet the visitors, but the brother was a step ahead of me. He acted like he was asleep. The result was that I was always dragged away from my beloved books and forced to sit with people. Little did I know that being an adult also means being social. Now I am so bad at making new friends, keeping in touch etc, that I wish I had put some more effort into being a social animal. Now it is too late to start, because I am so set in my ways.

5. “Wake up early” – This is another beautiful thing about being an adult and haunts me everyday. Growing up, I used to wake up at a merry 10.00am every day. When I started working though, it changed and ofcourse the night shifts. Now if I am late in waking up, I know I will be late to work, resulting in my being late going back home late, which in turn means I would sleep late, and wake up late the next day, blah blah blah! I wish I had listened to her advice then, so waking up early would not have been an everyday battle of wits.

6. “Learn to stitch etc” – Every time I spot a cute, overpriced skirt or a top at stores Shoppers Stop and the likes, I cringe. If I knew how to sew, I would have made it myself, and also felt immense satisfaction. Not to mention, a creative vent! Now I am having to spend a 1000s of hard earned money on overpriced crap that I love to wear, but would have been stitched in a jiffy, with double stitching, no less! Sasta and tikau.

Things I am glad I listened to:

1. “Have pride in yourself” – this is something I probably did not need any lessons on, nevertheless, mom always kept drilling it into our head that you are what you think of yourself, nothing less, nothing more. Smart words.

2. “Stand up for yourself, don’t lose your voice” – No one else will come to rescue you, you will have to do it for yourself. Speak out or shut up and don’t complain.

3. “Always listen to your instincts, especially when it comes to men” – this one has stood me in good stead. The men I have been leery of for no reason, more often than not turn out to be pigs

4. “Don’t wait for the other person, the brother, the friend etc to do something you want done. If you can do it yourself, do it!” – I have seen my mom take charge of tasks and complete them at her own pace(which is frenetic) as opposed to waiting for my dad to do them. More often than not, whenever she has waited for dad to do something, things always got done the last second. I have inherited this trait from her. If I am desperate to get something done, I go out and do it. It may be as small as getting something from the local shop, to as big as booking flight tickets!

Other Side of The Moon

Have you had moments where every little thing bugs the fuck out of you? When every thing suddenly seems pointless and you just want to scream out at the top of your voice? When every thing you do is some how not even close to good enough? When you want to put your thoughts into on paper but you can’t find the right words? When everyone seems to be hell-bent on pointing at your flaws and you don’t even want to fight their doubts because somewhere in your mind, you’re feeling the same? Ever feel like you’ve been walking for days to realise you’ve been going in circles? Ever felt like you know what is to be done but you can find neither the strength nor the will to do it? Ever feel like you’re this close to giving up but you’re not ready to let go of your dreams just yet?

Have you ever wanted to take a leap, wanting to believe you can fly but haven’t for the fear of falling? Have you ever felt like a volcano that’s been dormant for so long that people have forgotten that it can actually explode any moment?

Have you ever felt like writing a blog post and giving it a name that’s completely irrelevant with respect to its contents, like this one? Have you ever wondered what would life be like if you were not you but somebody else?

Do you ever hate the people you’re supposed to love and love the ones you’re supposed hate? Do you thank the universe for the people in your life even though they annoy the fuck out of you?

Have you ever felt like a plastic bag, like that Katy Perry song? Have you ever wanted to cry for no reason at all? Have you ever wanted to laugh for no reason at all? Have you ever felt like you’ve been running after all the wrong things?
 

Wishing- Marital Bliss...

 Well the event of the season, much waited, not hyped- something we all strove for some a little for some too much (still sore from the walks)- has come and now passed... It was all and more what we had thought of, dreamt of and wished it would be, thanks to the tireless efforts of my aunt and ofcourse our near and dear ones.

Well here's to more occassions, celebrations & events............

Hello, 2013

So, it’s new year already! This year is going to be ‘last year’ in a matter of hours and I can’t help but wonder where did all this time go. 2012 was a good year by all means. Well, mostly a good year. Full of ups and downs, anything but ok

How do I begin to sum up all the memories of 2012? All that I learnt and all that I experienced? 2012 sure did teach me a lot of things.

My 25th Birthday, the decision to continue this blog, the trip to CHennai and Mangalore, new friends, old friends, the work stress, all the thousand parties we had for no reason, getting in trouble, acting stupid and laughing uncontrollably.

Here’s to all the shit we did in 2012.

New Year’s a time for new beginnings, amendments, fresh starts, love and fun. Here’s my set of promises and resolutions.

I’ll start working hard. I’ve been a really lazy girl all through 2012.

Start working out.

Try to control my temper and learn to be patient

Read more books

Try not to judge people before I actually get to know them.

Spend less time on the internet.

Okay, they are pretty crappy but still I’m sure I’ll never get through them. However, trying wouldn’t hurt, so. Wish me luck!

What are your resolutions?

Wish you a very happy 2013! Let’s put all the negative behind us and just be happy.

I love you, Mum!

Today as I lay in your lap and your fingers massaged my ankle because I had this nasty leg sprain, I was wondering of all the time we spent together fighting, laughing and you sharing the memories of your childhood and me complaining about how the ‘Wannabe’ girls of our school thought they were so ‘kewl’ and all the ‘I-think-i-am-so-damn-smart-guys’ who thought abusing others would help them impress the girls (sorry boys, but it won’t help)!!

I remember the twelve-year-old-me crying on your lap because a teacher in school thought I couldn’t dance. I remember the times when I would cry without any reasons and you would laugh on me for doing that. I remember the times when you asking me to sleep and assuring me I knew everything when I would be awake mugging up all the formulas , dates and places of whatever revolution/movements and what not the night before the much-dreaded examination!

I remember the times when you would be complaining about the time I spend in front of the mirror doing my hair. I remember you asking me how could I live in a messy room. I remember me saying that you’re so ‘ajeeb’ (means ‘strange’ in English… though I used it for ‘unique’)! I remember you moving your fingers through my tresses and telling me I’ve got beautiful hair!

I remember you telling about your high expectations from me and also that I’ve got the caliber to achieve what I want in life. I remember you telling me where I belong, among the best. I remember you beaming with joy in my happy moments! I love the I’m-so-proud-of-my-daughter-look!

I remember all the times you chose a dress for me and I disapproved saying that your choice is terrible and you saying the same thing about mine! I cherish those nights when you and me would tease Rohan about the girls in his class and chuckling with amusement when he would say that he’s a momma’s boy!

I remember all the times when you asked me who I loved the most in the world and I would reply ‘Sprite'!! But in my heart, I always loved you the most!!

I remember me telling you how you look like so and so in a particular saree and how you looked like so and so with ur spectacles! But in my heart, Mumma, you are the most beautiful woman on this Earth!

Thanks for being there when I need you as a strict but understanding teacher, a scolding mom, a loving mother and a true friend! Though I don’t say it often… I love you, Mum!

 

Christmas Lesson

The past weekend and this week "CHRISTMAS WEEK"  has started in a daze, started off with a leg sprain symptom and rapidly spun out of control. My left ankle is hurt and the unbearable pain.....

Looking back, I wonder why God wants me to go through this ordeal, and I think I know the response. If our boats are not rocked at one point of time or other.......we don't realise that it was steady that long :)

For now, grateful, thankful to the doctor for the temporary relief, on my knees (dont know till when)  or otherwise.......this would the most blessed and learning Christmas.

One of those few life experiences that I need to put down in my personal dairy.

for now.......for better or worse till the pain reappears.

Merry Christmas!!!

Dear 50-Years-Old-Me,

I’ve been meaning to write to you for some time now. I’ve really been wondering about you lately. What do you look like? What do you do? Have you done all the things you thought you’d do when you grow up? Did you meet someone worth spending your whole life with? And if you have, does it feel like the fairy-tales you grew up listening to?

There’s so much that I have to say to you but every thought in my head just gets mixed up into a complete mess. I can picture you somehow, living in a small cottage on a sea side with a room which is filled with books. Or maybe in an apartment in a small town with your two babies that you always wanted to have.

I hope you have changed for the better and yet remained the same 25-years -old girl who is writing to you. I hope you still write, and I hope you remember the joy writing gave you. Do you remember that you wished you’d have a book published one day? Is that wish fulfilled yet? I hope you have fulfilled the dream of travelling around the world all alone, living with the natives, learning about the cultures and clicking a thousand pictures, like they do in the Tv shows. I hope you have reached all the milestones you had set for yourself. I hope you are happy with who you are.

Are you still in contact with your friends? I hope you remember they meant the world to you… I hope they still do. Remember all the parties, night-stays and all the fun? Have you still got the crappy sense of humour I have? Are you still the person who has a fear of being surrounded by darkness? Are you still the crazy person you were?

I hope you remember this blog, with all its stupid rants and childish poems. Remember how this was a getaway for you when you were super sad or super happy? Ooohh, do they already have time-machines? You might want to give me a sign if there is.

You know how songs bring an avalanche of memories, right? Do you listen to those songs I listen to now and feel nostalgic? I hope you remember me in excruciating details. One day you’ll be narrating about these days to your children,if you aren’t already doing so, like my mummy does to me.

If you read this, I want you to go to a library and borrow the books of Paulo Coelho and read it. Remember how you used to stay awake till 2 am, just to read it without mummy knowing? Remember how attached you grew to his stories? I hope Harry Potter is still a part of your life. Sounds childish, right?

I’m very curious about how you’re world if different from mine. Flying cars, talking to aliens, global warming, time travelling and unimaginable miracles, is it? Well, I’m not sure so much would have changed in 15 years, but who can say anything about the future?!

I don’t really know how to end this letter. It’s so chaotic but I think you’ll remember that I’m a muddle head. I just hope you’re a happy person and somebody who your almost-25-year-old-self will be proud of.

That's Just

…the way I am.

I can’t explain myself. I’m a lot of people. You might see me sitting in a corner with a book on my lap, or even laughing and dancing in a party. You might think I’m happy all the time, but I could be hiding a tankful of tears. You might think I’m an extrovert and just then I’d sulk back in my own little bubble. Sometimes, I might seem too wise for a twenty-five year old, and sometimes, I could surprise you with my absurd nonsensical talk. I might seem strong, but I might be a bag of nerves. I could love you with all my heart, but when it comes to saying it out loud, I won’t. I might flirt a lot, but I won’t let you in my heart. I say I don’t like clichéd love stories, but I’m really thinking of my own.

I couldn’t ever figure myself out. I won’t ever be. I often lose myself in the thin line that draws between ‘who I am’ and ‘who I am supposed to be’… I’m ugly, imperfect, nerd, friendly, shy, extrovert, introvert, fun to be with, boring, interesting… all at the same time…

And that’s just the way I am. Whether you accept it or not.

Those Pesky Days

When I was in Kindergarten, a piddly kid of 2-3, I would look at a friend and her friends in high school with envy. High School seemed like heaven, and I would worship the friend and co. with an ardor only a hankering child can muster.

The college teen.
This time college seemed like paradise. And I hoped and prayed to be transported into their world. No uniforms, no attendance, no notebooks being checked daily, no carrying mom’s chapati's and idlis for lunch everyday. Sigh. College was so cool.

Yet again, by the time I had chugged through school to enter graduation, the paradise had moved. College was fun, yes. But just look at all those people who are working. No cooking up excuses to pester mom for yet another increase in the monthly allowances, no 2nd class train journeys on ‘student budgets’.
Yes. that was it. To earn was the best gift to mankind, finalized the mind during yet another drowsy lecture.

And now, as the ‘earning stage’ has also been sampled, the fickle mind longs for the Kindergarten days . The days of detached happiness, when the only stress was to learn the 26 alphabets, while trying to learn what 26 meant .

 Remembering about the ‘good old days’ with a friend. She says they’re good only because they’re over…even though they bring back happy memories. She’s smart. Me? My fickle mind can’t even decide which of the old days were really good.

Sigh!
Does a fickle mind bug you too?

Plan Of Destiny

I am trying to concede to the fact
Come at peace with it
Accept it
Subduing me complaints as much as possible
No matter how much it pains me
It wont happen
Because it isn't supposed to
It is not my plan to let it be
It's the plan of destiny
Maybe in a different time
In a different place
Before everything changed
But as for now
I wouldn't let fantasies cloud my sanity

We can never be friends
Just familiar strangers
Nothing else
I don't need more
I have accepted
The plan of destiny

 

What I've Learnt

This month wasn’t at all like what I expected it to be. ‘Disastrous’ is the right word.

But all the bad that happens does have a good side too, doesn’t it? There are lessons to be learnt each time you fall. There are truths you wake up to. Here’s what I’ve learnt-

The worst feeling in the whole world is being let down.

Actually, the worst feeling is letting down the most important people in your life.

Life seems dark and rough at times but you’ll get over it, everything will be alright even though everything won’t be easily forgotten.

You are not defined by the mistakes you make but how you emerge out of them.

Some limits are not to be crossed.

No matter what, there is a mom who’ll love you despite everything.

But everything’s not been all bad. I’ve had fun too… Outings, fun with friends, parties, junk food!And the feeling of winter wind against your face… heavenly!

Sorry for the rant though, but I had to.

For all the sunbathing that i do, thankyou dear balcony. You
have a beautiful view.

 

I Got That Feeling

You know that feeling when in a moment you are all smiling and the next you are overwhelmed by the surge of memories that would avalanche on you and buries you inside? Like the past moments were flashing before your eyes and you couldn’t change them and all you could do was stand there and watch them lap over you like the waves of an ocean over the rocks on the shore? And all the feelings, buried deep would surface all together and you don’t know how it really feels.

Isn’t it better to look at the road of life through the wind-shield rather than the rear-view mirror?

Isn’t it better to get over somethings, isn’t it always better to let go?

Why wouldn’t my mind stop confusing what’s happening with what has already happened?

The phantasmagoria always stops me from moving ahead.

That ain’t good.

Till Death keeps us apart...

 

 A statement from a very elderly person some months back "I am sure nothing bad will come my way, because I have always done the right thing!"  Confidence? Audacity (this is fast becoming one of my favourite words)? Do not judge and you shall not be judged.

Akai's episode - since there is no other word to describe it, has been an eye opener, to us whom it has impacted directly and to those around us, who thought death was probably the worst fate that awaited them. I know that line needs rephrasing, because death is no 'fate' it is a 'fact' something that will happen, sooner, later, eventually but happen it will.

Life is always full of gyaan, so much! sometimes it hits the nail in the head so to speak, if the incident is fresh in our minds, more often than not, it is just that GYAN ~ something we all know! it just looks fancier put into words and on a beautiful background.

Yeah! yeah, its that time of life again :) no not really. I am in my melancholy mood again and absolutely hate it. But as I was told by somebody really wise, This too shall pass......not holding my breath though, I might die!.

When Important Becomes Impotent

 

Oh yes I have heard those “English is a funny language” jokes in a hundred and one versions. But seriously, you could never have heard of the version I just compiled for you. Believe me guys English is a beautiful language, but its some people who are ignorant towards it who take it in their hands to spoil it. “English” is now considered a status symbol. So even if people are not comfortable with it, they still use it to show their sophistication and make a fool of themselves. They give it a whole new meaning- often in a ridiculous way. This trend I noticed in Hindi teachers, lab assistants, and a few more people.

 

Keep quiet- please quiet

Success- sex-ess (that’s how someone I know pronounced it)

 

And once, oh pray! Even I cant believe it….someone pronounced important as IMPOTENT!

 

The SMS lingo is a thing that can be misinterpreted. I’m specially mentioning this because I myself have fallen prey to it and I curse my stupidity. Infact, it was this that made me come up with this article. I asked a friend to CUM online at a certain time. Believe me it was an innocent request. He had this big “O” of a mouth then and asked me if I had lost it. When I remained non-plussed, he asked me to google it. And then if you want a piece of my disgust, I suggest you google it.

Another funny story I would like to account. There was this guy who was breaking up with his girlfriend and told her that she was ineffable but still due to personal reasons he could not be with her. For you account ineffable means perfect. Sadly that girl didn’t know what it meant and created a scene thinking she was in-F-able

 

Guys, speak English but be sure you say what you want to convey. Might seem funny but these small misinterpretations can lead to a lot of confusion and misunderstanding.

 

I would like to conclude by saying-

“When Important becomes Impotent,

You know you should draw a line.”

Change

Last night, I got this idea of pulling an all-nighter for no reason. I mean I’m growing up and I’m bound to get crazy ideas now and then, so, not knowing what to do, I pulled out my diary that I had stopped writing sometime ago.

As I read through the pages, I realized, how much the things have changed. The thing is people, things, feelings… they always change, sometimes, for good , sometimes for bad.

It was funny how my feelings for something changed so much. I don’t actually like how some people in my life have changed to this extent. One day, they were there, playing and laughing, being an important part of my life, and then suddenly, one day drifting apart. It hurts, but I take it as it comes.

Don’t they say, ‘The only thing constant is change.’ I believe them.

Also, last night, I wrote again in my diary. It felt so good, the feeling of holding a pen in my hand and letting the words flow. It’s been so long, isn’t it?

I shall write again, when inspiration flows.

Till then, I shall leave you with these words of mine.



Look at me, all smiling.

I’ll tell you one thing, I love you.

When I Was A Little Girl

When I was a little girl, I was told that all the things in life could be classified as either right or wrong. I was taught how to do that and I was told specifically to pick the right ones. I was brought up to believe that if I did all the ‘right’ things, my life would fall into place and everything will be alright. But now I’m not sure. I’m starting to think the line that divides the right and the wrong doesn’t really exist.

When I was a little girl I used to believe there were only two kinds of people, good and bad. But now I’m starting to figure out how people have so many layers to them and so many shades of all kinds of traits. No one’s perfect and I guess, that’s okay.

When I was a little girl, I was made to believe we could only love once. Maybe, I just watched too many movies or maybe, I read too many fairytales. Or maybe even listened to too many love songs. I believed that when I met my knight in shining armour, my life would get cheesy background songs automatically and everything would be magical. But now, I’m not so sure if that’s how love works. You can love more than one person at once or maybe no one at all. It’s pretty mundane and ordinary and at the same time pretty magical too.

When I was a little girl, all the adults seemed to have all the knowledge in the world. They had everything figured out, how people became stars when they died, how the rain was just God watering his plants in heaven, how clouds were just pieces of cotton the wind blew away. And now I stand on the thresh-hold of adulthood and I’m starting to worry that adults are as clueless as we once were and still are.

When I was a little girl, what frock should I put on was one of the most difficult decisions I had to take. Now, I’m faced with all the choices that’ll decide how my future turns out to be and I’m feeling lost.

Can I please just be a little girl again?