i see hope

in the words of sarge - "todaaaay is a good day to go to church"(the words in italics can be replaced with whatever you want)

woke up early. showered. picked up my bag and ran. wasnt gonna miss the 8.15am mass!! and it was already 8.00. 10 minutes later and no auto in sight."thats it, im gonna miss the 8.15am mass".

then came a auto. "public transportation so rules!!!!!" reached the church vicinity in 5 minutes."niiiiicee!!" the area around the church is under heavy construction. as i was makin my way to church suddenly noticed almost all access routes were blocked off. there was just the one access way.

"8.16." and to get to that i would have to go all the way round which would take a lot of time. there was this group of girls just behind me. we stood there for a few moments. then one of them climbed down the trench and walked on the exposed pipes, climbed out. they helped each one out. finally i made my way across. as i reached the end, i suddenly saw this hand reach out. i looked up to see the first girl who made her way across . she smiled and helped pull me up.

i have never in my life been offered help like this by a girl.

so there was nothin that was goin to stop me from attending service today.
it was more than worth it. of all days today it was worth it.

looking back

looking back
most trials are inconsequential.

confiding to the wasted, what was there is now. and my toes and my fingertips, numb. so numb. but i can can actaully feel as i wave.

"yeah, ill get it done. theyre gonna get through it before i am gonna get through"
and i fell farther than ever before, i feel even more alive.

human relationships are the most diabolical!!

i like the relationship i have with a tv set. i know where im headed. sometimes the batteries of the remote die, but they can easily be replaced. tvs dont misunderstand. they take you for what u r.

tv sets are simple.

we re not.

No Reservations

I've got a fairly recent guilty pleasure... I love watching Anthony Bourdain's show, Anthony Bourdain No Reservations. He has one of the coolest jobs I've ever seen... He's a chef, he's an author, and he's a traveler. He goes to places from the exotic to the perceived-to-be mundane and tries the local dishes that can range from gourmet to the fare of those in abject poverty. He can appreciate the perfect hamburger just as much as the perfect pan-seared foie gras. He's no snob, and I love that about his show. It's unpretentious and often laughs at itself.

One of his experiences I envy the most was in Brazil. He and some rich chicks went to a lady's house whose job it is to cook and entertain paying company in her own little home. The sang, danced, drank, ate, ate, ate, and then all took a nap on a big bed with all the innocence of a collection of kittens. How perfect would a day like that be?

Amen.. I'm alive

Suddenly there is so much to say … (The reason I started blogging)… it’s actually a good feeling… “I moved that block!!!”

Life seems to be taking on a good direction. Getting oppurtunities to actually do what I wanted to do and though I never really looked at it that way i.e. as “Things I want to do” I am glad its happening. I suppose all this is leading to a good formation of the thoughts. “Interesting” – (that’s what I’m thinking right now). Perhaps this is for the good hmm… thinking, it probably is, considering that everything happens for a reason.

For a change the days too have been passing by with the unexpected note (the way I like it). For a change it’s been  good days… without any regret rolls (that’s a whisper just afraid to be speaking too soon). No backstage issues… I could go through that bungee jump right now as in right right now…don’t know about laters cause I whispered :)

Things have been moving, started reading again and yes going to finish it this time, over the last year I’ve started 4 books outta which I completed 2. Two I left half way which I think is not good. For now, no interest to go over em again and finish it…

But I’ve started reading another this year.. And looking at my interest I suppose I’ll see the end of this one for sure. Thinking about setting some reading targets for the rest year... Probably a little too late for New Year resolutions… but what the hell!!! – Better late than never…

I think this is a good start… Hoping for that good end… I believe.. “If its not fine, Its not the end…”

Yesterday had this encounter with a person, I prefer to keep anonymous who was filled with bitterness and hatred… may or may not be his/her fault but still it was there.. it was a phone conversation and at the end of it… all I was thinking …and singing to myself was

"If everyone cared and no body cried
If everyone loved and no body lied
If everyone shared and swallowed their pride
Then we'd see the day when no body died
Amen... I'm Alive"

Will say more about this song... but will leave that for another day

“The most profound statements are often said in silence.” - Lynn Johnston (1947 - ), ForBetter or For Worse, 01-15-04

It could be worse

Things have been a lot tense lately.. so much that I used to feel choked. And as if things were not bad enough...it just got worse.. had a bug attack last night.. well I'm exaggerating.. just saw one big fella but when it comes to bugs I feel their one toooo many. Argh..

I'm paranoid about keeping things clean so you can only imagine my situation the whole day!! :-D - NOT FUNNY!!!.... managed to clean in and around the bed, spray, do the laundry - the works!!! Hopefully I did a good job.. will find out soon....

Like I've said before... this is probably God's way of telling me.. Stop worrying.. things could get worse!!!...
Anyways leaving it to that for now... more on the drama laters...

Heard the following at a service yesterday, and just wanted to share it... :).. like an eye opener...makes your wanna be grateful...

What is a Blessing???

The Creator reminds us that blessings are counted in the way that we choose to look at them.

• Anything that has brought a smile to your lips, joy to your heart or a lightness to your step is a blessing.
• Anything that has made your life more comfortable, has lightened your burden or has brought warmth to your home is a blessing.
• Anything that has made supported your body, has increased your endurance or has opened your heart is a blessing
• Anything that has made you look deeper, has expanded your understanding or has increased your compassion is a blessing
• Anything that has tested your strength, has fortified your commitment or has forced you to grow is a blessing
• Anything that has reminded you of how precious life is and has taught you to treasure your relations is a blessing

~Jamie Sams

A Tribute

It was such a lovely day I thought it a pity to get up.
- W. Somerset Maugham

I cannot deny that some days do feel like that, but something tells me today is not one of those...Woke up with this feeling of thanks for all the people I've met in my past and the difference they have made and make till date.

Looking back seems like, I've been blessed more than I ever thought I was. Its amazing how we just bond with certain people. How in spite of the way it seems when you first them, it always changes. People you think you could never befriend, end up making all difference by just the little or weirdest things they say or do...

And, how these people, are the only ones that are the types that give you this great feeling of "I don't care who you are, where your from, don't care what you did...as long as you love me!!!" (you know what I mean). And the best thing is that they always, or almost always, drop at strategic times.

All this makes stronger my beliefs that we are never alone... someone up there is watching.

I wish somehow, on days when I would prefer not to wake up, these feelings are as strong as now...cause now (with 8 hours sleep and a happy mind) that I think about it... It's a reason to live...a reason to hope...

I miss them all...all together..

Then and Now

Meeting old friends has always been fun.. Yesterday evening had been for this party where I met friends from school and I’m talking about friends from the 7th and 8th standard.. Good old times.. Good old memories..

Back then would've never thought we'd all end up in the same place 10-12 years later... :). But here we are!!!!
This friend whose b’day I went for was my partner in the 6th standard...am gonna relate a story to you that he told me, rather reminded me about last year when I met him again!!!!... This is one very distinct memory he has in connection with me.. you'll know why in a bit...

Well, I used to be naughty kid with the innocent looks, the kind that would run around in the class as soon as the teacher left the room… :) a few of my good friends reading this would disagree with the innocent part but trust me this one time.. i'm talking about 6th standard.. :)... Ok so I write something in my book, (wrote the word F***) and I'm whispering to this guy innocently ... "This is a bad word ok... Don’t use it…"
When he told me that last year obviously I had no memory of it but couldn’t help but laugh at that… I’m thinking.. Sha!!!!…I was so naive … Those were the days.. he he… the “good” old days….

My friends now.. will have a totally different story to tell… (Psst.. word of advice.. don’t believe em .. )..... :) <- my naughty ;)

Wierd/Facts about The Great Nanet

.... Whokay....

Hmmm 10 weird things or 8 facts… or was it 8 weird things and 10 facts.. whatever it is.. I’m just gonna write whatever I can thing of for now…

So weird things about me ….

mmmm… hmmmm…..uummmmm……arey i'm thinking…. Ah!!!!....ok… here goes..

1. The best compliment I think I’ve got till date is “You have a nice set of teeth”, from a dentist; I must add, I remember that day as one of my happiest.
2. Oh I sometimes brush with my left hand, just as practice if someday for some reason I cannot use my right…why???? Don’t ask…I don’t know
3. When I was younger I wanted to be an astronaut… but that I wouldn’t say is weird.
4. I talk to my code/computer when I work.. But I know a couple of people who do that; they work with me…. :-)
5. I cannot sit crossed legged on the floor… I’ve had friends laugh at me for that… I can sit on a bed like that but not on the floor :-|
6. I don’t like cheese, but I’ll eat it on a pizza or in a sandwich (if I don’t see/know it’s in there)

Some facts about me…

I can doze standing!!!!... This ability was discovered by my mom one evening in the church while attending mass
I love to sit idle
I enjoy making lists for trips or long journeys
I like to trouble kiddies but I like to play with them too :)
I love Karan Johar movies   (k......... series)
I like to read nething and evrything
I'm bad with colors. I cannot clearly distinguish some shades of green and blue and gray…
You’ll mostly find me in casuals, unless am going to church or some function
I don’t like to have white milk i.e. milk without any flavor or color. In college there were times I used to mix haldi when there was nothing else.
I can type (SMS/Keyboard) fast.. its the thoughts that come out slowly :)

This is it.. all I can think of for now…

SSSSPPPPPPAAAAARRRRTTTTTTTAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!... Just received a SMS from Rohan which read that, so thats whats on my mind now... WOoops and that’s another one :) !!!!!

My Name is Tokatokuchi Katoteshikateku

the other day i called my friend thin,shes not. in fact shes a perfect figure for what models look like. that got me thinking.

now im kinda thin. there are times when i get even thinner makin me a lamp post model (see i make fun of myself as well).

so back to my point, if someone who is not fat or thin (average nanet) were to make fun of me, i would have to take it. but if the same person made fun of someone who is overweight, it would be frowned upon, makin average nanet an insensitive person. for that matter if i were to make fun of a person who is thin, that would put me in class of A1 jerk offs.

now if the thin person were to make fun of me, i have to bear it. and this ok!? is it that only thin people have some sort of social stigma attached to their girth? if some of them have psychological issues, medical issues - can't a person who is overweight have the same issues?

i can gain weight easily, i can't lose it very easily tho. i cant help that my metabolism leaves me this way. i cant find clothes to ever fit right. too loose, too tight, too short (stout n tall, thatd be me), oh yes and i cant find chappals to fit right even..

whats my point? er, i forget. the new flavor of the week at naturals icecream parlour shop made me forget.
on a easier note, i got somewhat hurt my back last nite. now that, laydeez n gennlemen is the right way to kick off a weekend.

and if u want to know what ur name is spelled like in japanese as in the title, use the table below. just received this in my inbox.

A - ka
B - tu
C - mi
D - te
E - ku
F - lu
G - ji
H - ri
I - ki
J - zu
K - me
L - ta
M - rin
N - to
O - mo
P - no
Q - ke
R - shi
S - ari
T - chi
U - do
V - ru
W - mei
X - na
Y - fu
Z - zi

mcspicy chicken with fries and a coke please

at macdonalds this afternoon.

McSpicy Chicken Burger. mind went back to some years ago ,when i used to work parttime giving tuitions. one afternoon, my friend came along and said "i got something for you". "what?". and he pulled a
chicken mcgrill out of his pocket, all wrapped up and kinda flattened. that day he wasnt a friend, he was brother. for life.

Mc Donalds.. M loving it........



judge not..errr.. judge away

fear not
for i am metal head
i come to you with hope
that you may understand
the meaning of all that rocks!!!
you know if God didnt want us to head bang, He wouldnt have given us necks.

when i was growin up(like i ever will!), mom used to give freedom to choose whatever. she always knew. instilled in us the difference between right and wrong. good and bad. times have changed. our need to survive supercedes any and all. what if someone does something wrong but the motive wasnt to cause harm but to help? are we allowed to be judgemental in our approach? what if all the reasons are not clear or correctly interpreted? by being judgemental have we not cast the first stone? it is also very easy to accuse one of being judgemental. inherently we all are.

i am frequently accused of being judgemental. perhaps i am. what if im not? i have a constant need to explain my questions or actions, because people wont get what im trying to say or do. why do i do this? to "fit in". fit into what? as long as i can fit into my fav pair of jeans, nothing shud matter, right?....right? we're constantly battling ourselves and others to prove a point, when the greater cause is ignored. what is the greater cause? somebody tell me cause i lost the plot somewhere along the way.

when most of us begin this journey, we seek. in these times of blantant advertising, can it be that we've missed what we were lookin for in the first place? and then we stray. is it accident? or the truth of greater forces? is it all a lie? what if the lie was the truth? the truth definitely lies in the lie. or is the other way round? why did i ever do what i did on that fateful day? did i not think of consequence? yes, i did. did it matter? yes it did. then why am i holding my head in despair? why am i fighting all that flows? why am i fighting myself?
when the fight ends, who will emerge victorious? i reckon, the truth that lay dormant in the darkness that the lie created.

"I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity"

the walls getting higher.... in isolation i die

the walls getting higher.... in isolation i die

been a long week.

and i found out i am so good,and dont even know it.yep!!

works been drivin me crazy but im so drawn to it. there be many voids to fill and work has always been a great filler. feelin agigated lately and i dont kno what to do.

met wit some friends yesterday evenin and we went out for coffee and gossip..to a restaurant that specialised in nothingness. we spoke a lot about work. i dont have anything else to talk about(i like to work, i like my job, i just wish things were fair, but thats racism for you). and the girls threatened me. "we wont go out with you if u keep payin" {sue me}. hey if u dont wanna go out......

i was  feelin somewhat ill dis whole week. i havent had time to recover, attended office d whole week though  after i found out i could stand .but then thats how im built.


last week im told not to hate the world so much. and not to hate myself. i dont hate myself, i just dislike a lot of things, hmmm, notetoself:ignore more often. maybe its not the world i hate but the world i kno. and i kno i definitely dislike what i see. dystopian reality in an egalitarian dream!! hardy har har!! last week also had to go face to face. and i came out on top. but that still didnt change the fact that what happened was not right. im not right all the time, but when i am , I AM! deal with it you loused up idiots!!

great news this mornin, actually this afternoon, my friend Vinita got a lil baby boy.the strange part is theres this word (hyatt = life)stuck in my head from sometime last week. and guess what she calls her.....we spoke for quite a while. she may come down to India for a few daze. we got a lot of catching up to do.

and finally for all those who want to quit their job but dont kno what to write....

Dear Sir/Madam,


Subject: Resignation,


I Love Your Husband/Wife.

Thank You......... ...




GOD so rules!! truth be told here, i lag behind, disappointed and feeling condemned and angry, but HE sure knows how much punishment i can take and then HE pulls me out like nothing has happened and everything is sorted out. i may not be religious in a way conventional, ive had my share of x-file experiences with GOD, but what HE did for me this week and i asked HIM because there was no way out but a gun, and HE was there. HE WAS THERE!!

One of the most painful ingredients of human life is the moment of judgment. When you are judged for your worth, when you are judged for your talent, when you are judged for your value.

Many of us have the ability to judge ourselves the best. Most would agree that it is the most honest moment in the life of an individual. Your own rating of your ability, your strengths, your weaknesses are never flawed. It is rare when at times you surprise yourself in your own judgment. It is indeed rare, when others agree and match their assessment with yours and indeed so destroying when they do not.

Facing rejection is the most cruel biding. But facing the face of rejection is unbearable. At least for me. I would be most inefficient in rejecting. Every time I watch a reality show on TV on the announcement of the elimination of the contestants, I would myself die a hundred deaths. That moment for me as an audience  is most disconcerting. I was once appointed judge for a speech competition when in college, and I swore after that, that I would never want to be in a chair where I would have to pass judgment on another fellow human, in similar circumstances. What and how do you address the rest of the contestants, all turned up in their best, that they are lesser than the other. How can one human be less than another ? Having participated in many stage competitions i must say Those moments have been the most painful. I would rather not be there. Taking sides in an incident for me – an issue that I as an individual,  find difficult to cope with. I would rather submit and withdraw than feel the hurt that the other has been subjected to.

Many denounce me for this my temperament. Those that have access to a personal comment on me will invariably propound – ” Stop trying to be such a noble, stop trying to be Mahatma Gandhi !”
No !! It is not about nobility or Gandhism, its about the quality of my nature, my construct. I do not question its righteousness or its error, I merely express my within. This is how it is and this is how it shall remain.
So yes I watch many of the reality shows on TV with great interest and expectation, but I also invite with it on myself, the figure of rejection on others. Everyone will not win in this contest, or in life. There will be losers too. But rather than submit to fate and resign, I would want to accept that ‘so long as there is life, there is struggle’, and with that continue to keep banging against an unbreakable wall, not with any expectation that it shall give way, but with the belief that I would never have known that it would not, if I had not tried.

Ahh !!! Too philosophical for early morning

Spent sometime on the piano after long, fiddling with the keys and frustrating over the fact that I never trained to comlete the learning course .. perhaps someday I shall. Someday. Someday learn a few more languages, of my own land first and then of the international. Someday discover my country and its wealth of history culture and ethics. Someday read all that I never did read. Someday not follow routine and schedule. Someday be free from commitment to others for others. Someday be with myself, alone, away in thought and isolation … and just live …

Life without your affection and love would not be living …

Remember the good old days....oh god!! did I say "good old' coz I distinctly remember my very self waiting for the school and study life to end....I am terrified of exams more of the results, for any of you who think both are same, get yourselves examined :D !!

Over the years for sure things have definitely changed, got a call from a friend at 11.30 last night to tell me that her daughter has scored 93% I mean hello.......I think 10years down the lane students appearing for the boards they will have to score in 200%'s ? Its scary man... and I am thinking of what all parents will have to inflict on their wards in an effort to get themto excel.

Yet again....thinking whether excelling is necessary, and I have to honestly say YES though I can assure you I have not, done may be even 70% of what I could, which is what I regret. Looking around me at the oh so important achievers, feel what would be...what if, yeh hota and woh hota.

On a separate note, Went for an eye test last evening and some news channel were once again giving a coverage on the BAADSHAH (Shahrukh Khan)......Honestly guys leave the family alone man, is there nothing better to report ? :P any comments on his one people.

Keep Smiling!!!

FRIENDS



There are people, who will be around when you’ve got a broken heart,
also when you let out a big loud fart.

There are people, who will help you when you’re in pain,
also when you’ve got a period stain.

There are people, who will click when you laugh and pose
also when you’re quietly digging your nose

.

There are people, who will make you smile through the toughest defeat,
more so, when you’ve got something stuck in your teeth.

These are the people you call your closest friends,
they make you laugh no matter how your story ends.

From A Dark Place

I am generally a calm, happy person. People who know me well will vouch for the fact that I am a little crazy - but never morose.

Every once in a while something sets me off into very dark parts of my life, stuff that I have hidden away from the happy me. (I tap into it selectively from time to time just to keep the self in control.) When an external reason sends me to those places though gates are wide open. Depression takes control of my body and mind. These are memories I am ashamed of - deeply ashamed. It paralyzes me and then I am left to pick up the pieces. This happened to me yesterday. Today I’m back to normal loathing the person I became yesterday.

You Are Blessed

If you woke up this morning
with more health than illness,
you are more blessed than the
million who are suffering this week.

If you have never experienced
the danger of battle,
the loneliness of imprisonment,
the agony of torture or
the pangs of starvation,
you are ahead of 20 million people
around the world.

If you can roam around freely
without fear of harassment,
arrest, torture, or death,
you are more blessed than almost
three billion people in the world

If you have food in your refrigerator,
clothes on your back, a roof over
your head and a place to sleep,
you are richer than 75% of this world.

If you have money in the bank,
in your wallet, and spare change
in a dish someplace, you are among
the top 8% of the world's wealthy.

If your parents are still married and alive,
you are very rare,
especially in the United States.

If you hold up your head with a smile
on your face and are truly thankful,
you are blessed because the majority can,
but most do not.

If you can hold someone's hand, hug them
or even touch them on the shoulder,
you are blessed because you can
offer God's healing touch.

If you can read this message,
you are more blessed than over
two billion people in the world
that cannot read anything at all.

You are so blessed in ways
you may never even know.

Till death keep us apart!!!

A phone call changed our lives forever, the most dreaded call I think for mom and her 7 siblings and their families. We were in the weekend mode on March2nd 2012 when we received THE call that  Uncle Frank was taken to the hospital and was no more in person amongst us - needless to say mom and her sisters left immdly to be with uncle's wife and kids at that moment of grief and sorrow. and to say I am happy that I didn't reason, or be practical etc abt mum leaving alone with all her ailments because the very evening Rohan (bro) made me realize whtever it is wherever u are how painful the feeling of  missing ur bro or sis d one u grew up with.... (he said he loves me and feels my absence the most when m away from home even for a day... my collars up brought a blush on my face)

Like I said nothing will be the same for us ever again,not only for Uncles wife and kids, but for the entire family or for that matter me. The last time I met him in Jan (just 4 a few hours) changed me as a person. I now know that when you are fighting for survival, everything takes a backseat. Be it hygiene, your comfort or so many other "essentials" - We fought and lost the battle !!

Love you uncle, wherever you are !!