I don't know who to speak to

 There’s this thought that keeps following me around. It’s not always loud, but it’s there, what if I just wasn't here anymore. I’ve been carrying around a strange heaviness that doesn’t seem to leave. A thought that repeats itself in the background, what if I just stopped existing.

I don’t really know whether want to die or whether I want to live. I just don’t know how to get rid of the feeling. It makes me wonder what’s broken inside me that it keeps coming back. I feel this weight inside me, but I don't know who I can tell. I don’t want to scare the people I love. I don’t want to be a burden. And I don’t want to see that look on someone’s face when they don’t know what to say back. So I keep it to myself.

Today feels heavy

Today feels heavier than it should. I can’t really explain why. Simple things sending a reply to a message, cooking, even picking something to watch feel too complicated. It’s like my brain is moving through fog.

The loneliness feels louder tonight. Not because I’m completely alone, but because I feel unseen. It’s a strange kind of emptiness, being around people and still feeling like I’m somewhere else entirely.

I don’t have a solution. I don’t even know what I want, except maybe to feel a little lighter, a little less tangled up inside. So I’m writing this down, hoping that putting it into words might ease the knot in my chest.

For now, I’ll try to be gentle with myself. One small thing at a time. Maybe tomorrow won’t feel so complicated.