19 things i'll never forget about this year...

1.Baking cake for Olivia's birthday.
2.Wearing mummy's saree for the first time in my life.
3.Going to Pune with Janice.
4.19th of March at Serena's house with Serena and some other..er..companions.
5. Been pampered and give extra attention to the core because someone assumed i had swine flu.
6.Getting shouted at by Dr. Shue.
7.Waking up at 4 am for a week to supposedly study.
8.Drinking Brandy and getting it from people I can't mention here.
9.Roll call Mallu jokes with Vivek, Janice Hazel and Jude.
10.Shoe shopping with Olivia.
11.Herbal cough syrup remedies from Celine Aunty+.
12.Lavina and I getting caught by the T.C and then lying our way out of trouble.
13.Grumbling at rohan 24x7 when I was sick.
14.Sheeba, Juby and the “Pimble” joke.
15.Adding more than half a bottle of pepper in the Lasagna that Flavia and I made.
16.Being gifted 'Legally Blonde' from Merlin.
17.Winning an election, when I didn't even know what it was I was standing for.
18.Fr.Leslie and his “being practical” talks.
19.My no-oil, no-spices, no-non-veg diet for what was supposed to be 2 months.

Christmas Time

Its Christmas time,
mistletoe and wine
Children singing Christian rhyme
With logs on the fireand gifts on the tree
A time to rejoice
in the good that we see.

Christmas season and every one in the festive mood i just thought today would be a great day to blog something about it. Went for shopping yesterday with ma family and den partying with a few friends late evening had a good time the whole day and in few minutes now will be going for the Carol singing.

Been too busy with life all thru the year personal and professional.. Not that it's done but in the relax mode as for now as at leave from work. Having up's n down's in day to day life, but at the end the result is always best in one form or the other. Some times after the whole day banging my head about how to do something or solve anything, just at the end of the day, something flashes, and I just do it and it works out well.

This Christmas season it made me realize a very lot of things actually. Some things that i spent days and nights thinking, Why this happening?? Why this is not happening the way i want?? Why me??
Lot of things are running in my mind right now, and i dont know what exactly to share about, but just wanted to say, though hard times or not me surely having a great time, with God by my side.




Also here are some of the snaps I had clicked at ma place using my cell phone. Have not come out good in resolution, but are not so bad to watch and share.
 



































































































And wait before i conclude my this blog, I would like to thank all of those who made mylife so special, all my dear loved one's not only in relation maybe but in heart who are constantly remembering me, praying for me, and wishing me all the best at all times.

And the Angel said unto them "For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord". Luke 2:11

Merry Christmas:)
May God bless you, atleast for even reading my blog:):)    

If I Had Only 10more Years To Live

Well the way things are going at the moment 10 more years of life seems a whole lot of misery and strife to me. 10 more years? More struggles and scraping by just to get through. I don’t know if I can take it. Why not make it 10 days and I’d be fine? Let someone more worthy & capable take up my space of existence on this earth.

But if I knew for certain that I had only 10 more yeas to live, as deary & miserable as that sounds now, I’d do all the things that I’ve wanted to do but just never got to doing. I’d want to travel to places that I’ve wanted to visit so badly but never have. Heck, even revisit the places that I have been too and liked and wouldn’t mind visiting once again. Eat all the food & drink all the drinks that I would want to but never have.

I’ll try and see all of my favourite rock bands live in concert, get their autographs and hopefully even get to sing on stage once again (the only time I was on a real stage singing my heart out was exhilarating and I’d want to experience that again). I’d want to see English Premier League matches live from the actual stadiums. May be i'd get my self deserted in an island. Attend a world cup or two in the hosting country. Act in a movie – any part; I’ll be the girl that’s the friend of the friend of the friend of the main actor! Stand on Antartica and sail the oceans. Go to every beautiful spot on this planet if I could.

10 years? Well it seems like a lot to me.

Mother's Love

A thought came up today, while I was passing by a school yesterday afternoon. 

This was the spectacle I saw, a mom was hurrying down the roadside, with a big tiffin bag in a hand. She was literally running, coz she knew that she was late, but she managed to reach the school gate on time. Her son, came running up to her as soon as he saw her, snatched the bag from his mother, and ran back to class.

It was quite clear to me the later incidents of what would happen was, the kid would just come running back with his tiffin bag, half closed, throw it mom, and run to play with his friends, and all that while, the mom just loiters around near the gate to see her son come again.

A thought just hit my head, and that to hit it very hard.

Just imagine, a mom whoz not so literate or qualified (as today's world puts her) doesn't work outside, but is a house wife. Stays at home, cooks good and fresh food daily morning for her folks, rather than wasting time by gossiping or doing something else. Cooks nice and yummy stuff for her children, packs their tiffin very well, also takes a bottle of water along with it. Walks all the way to her child's school, just to give the child his/her tiffin (note that the school also allows the parents to feed their children or also to sit along with their children while eating). Expects her child to come running to her and give a hug or at least wish or say hello, and invite her to their class and join him/her while having food. Spend time with her talking and chatting, and pack the tiffin back same as it was, by appreciating the food cooked, and maybe one hug or a thank you, and then also drop her till the gate, with a wave.

Imagine the feelings and expectations of a mother, and the reactions of the child. Not saying that I was a good kid who did all this stuff, I never even got a chance like this, since i had to carry my own tiffin. But many a times we just forget how much our mothers have done for us behind our backs, How much she might have sacrificed, just to see us happy, just to make us feel comfortable. She may have spend days and nights not having food, or working over time just to meet up the needs. But never let us felt even a thing. 

But what do we give in return? What is our gift back to her? What could we do so that if not in 100% at least 50% we could return back the favor?

There is Nothing to Fear But Fear Itself

I was recently thinking about the struggle between fear and action. Sometimes, I find that when trying to make a decision, I put too much pressure on myself. I can convince myself that something I want to do must be arranged perfectly or else it will fail. But this is simply negative thinking. This is fear controlling me.

It is by doing the thing that we are afraid of that we can conquer our fears and pursue the great things that we wish for ourselves. And if it goes well, we learn much. And if it goes badly, we learn even more. I must constantly remind myself that I do not know exactly where my life will go. And I must remind myself that it is not necessary or good to know. In life, circumstances can change. People can change. Hearts can change. Climate can change. Everything can change at a moment's notice. How can we predict the way things must be or will be? It is almost foolish to try!

Things will never be exactly as I imagine them, so it is useless to pressure myself to choose certainty over uncertainty. Certainty simply does not exist. Life is a path that either you can choose, or your fear can choose for you. We can be our own worst enemies. If we have a chance to do something important, it can be so important to us that we are afraid to even try.

Maybe this stems from a fear of failure or inadequacy. We don't pursue the possibilities of so many greater things, because we create mental roadblocks for ourselves. It is so easy to remain in misery for which we refuse to take responsibility. But it is truly scary to admit that we cause the very fear which makes us unhappy. As Nelson Mandela said: "Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate, but that we are powerful beyond measure." Have no regrets, but never make the same mistake twice. Fear and faith struggle against each other at all times. As humans, we would do well to understand, conquer and learn from our fears so that we can achieve our potential. I'm starting now. Again.

A Happy Horrible Year...

A lot has happened this year, each day brought something; something new or something old, something happy or something sad, something exciting or something disappointing; always something, never nothing.
I am an optimist, but I can recall more painful memories than moments of happiness. I've had a horrible year.I have been tried physically, mentally and spiritually. If there is one principle I stand by it is that, everything is an experience. Good, bad or ugly, everything is an experience and we take away something from it.

People say, I've taken on too many things this year, they are right. I have. But it's these same people who have voted/ nominated/ led me to all the posts I hold. Life was tough, more accurately disappointing. I worked hard for every one of my duties, I agree I wasn't the best, but I gave my all. The saddest part is that you are rarely rewarded as much as you have worked. I was disheartened by this at first, but, from various experiences througout the year I have learnt to accept this. That's the way things are, I can't change it, so I continue giving, because that's me. My friends say I'm stupid, maybe I am. However, I'd like to believe that all these experiences, though not rewarded now, will benefit me in the long run.

The best part of this year? I made friends with people I hardly ever imagined I would. People in their thirties, people in their teens, people who have it all, people who barely make it, people from India, people from abroad. I have come in contact with all these people and learnt many nice things and shared fabulous experiences with them. Sadly, some of the most bitter things that happened in the year, were my experiences with people. This year, I've learnt to appreciate those who behave like animals outrightly; compared to those who pat your back and stroke your hair, and when you least expect it, they ram your head onto a rock.

I don't mean to whine, but those who know me, will agree, I am being quite honest, when I say I have had a bad year. I have cried often. I have been ridiculed, I have been ostracized,I have been accused, I have been close to death. I've learnt many things this year, through my illnesses and my mistakes. I'd question God; “why me?”, but now, I've learnt to accept. I cry, I hurt within, but then I stand up and smile. Nothing has happened randomly. There is a purpose and I will see it some day.
Ofcourse, I have to admit, there were wonderful moments this year. Eating Papad and Cheese Spread at 2 am, an unplanned trip to Nashik, riding a bicycle in the rain, learning item numbers on a Sunday morning, stuffing the chicken at 2.00am for an unplanned party, standing at the top of the mountain, wearing mummy's saree, writing stupid letters and embarrasing myself. I've had a hell lot of fun.

Since January my life has been painful. It's December. I'm nearly at the end, but actually so much closer to a new begining.

Breaking Up and Bringing Up

I know, I always come up with some very weird analogies , but I honestly think this one makes sense. This analogy was formed to console a weeping friend and it worked. She burst out laughing as soon as I compared breaking up to the process of vomiting. That’s right, vomiting.

You eat something, it tastes great, and you can’t have enough of it. Then you’re full with it, you don’t want more, but it still continues to be with you. Slowly, you start feeling uneasy. Your uneasiness increases and increases. You want it to stop, and you want to be back to normal. You’re uneasiness continues though and all of a sudden it happens. You puke. It’s disgusting. You’re embarrassed, you feel horrible. It’s not the end. You feel better, but you have this disgusting, sick taste. You try everything possible to get rid of it, forget it; but it’s still there. Slowly, very slowly, you get over that taste, you stop mourning over it and you start to feel normal again.

With all this done, you’re not absolutely fine, you’re too afraid to eat anything again. Especially the type of food that made you puke. Sometimes you come across the place where you first encountered that particular food, or you see someone else with that food and you start to feel uneasy again. Then you tell yourself that you need to start eating normally again. Initially you avoid those food types which made you sick, no matter how enticing they seem. You go in for less complex foods, you play safe. Some day though, you’ll be fine and back to eating and enjoying it. For some of us, this whole process happens easily and quickly but for others it takes a while.

And that is my explanation and it makes sense.

Oceans and Decades Apart

I recently met two people ( separately ) who'd been in a relationship a long time ago.

He : Is she doing well ?
Me : Yes.
He : Is she happy ?
Me : Yes.
He : That's great. She's a lovely person. She deserves it. It feels good hearing that.

She : Is he doing well ?
Me : No.
She : Is he ok ?
Me : No.
She : Damn. That's so sad. He's a great guy. He doesn't deserve it. I'll pray for him.

I recall their breakup was a bitter one. They had not been in touch for over a decade. And yet they had it in them to remember the other fondly and genuinely rejoice in their happiness or feel sad at the other's pain.

I wish more people were like this. It's a quality we don't see anymore. 

Death More Profitable Than Life...

I was recently having a chat with my friend, and this topic came out of no where, is Death more profitable than Life.
I mean we had this talk for a small time, but then I started giving a thought about it, and it did come out true.
We live, and try to do everything that brings profit for ourselves. We earn for ourselves, or for our family.

We try to enjoy our life to the utmost possible and sometimes not even caring about others. Our life actually just becomes confided within ourselves.

What happens when we die then?

Given a thought a lot of people profit coz of your death, God forbid, not wishing my readers to die now, but just think.

We die then

The Florist gets a new order for flowers

The Grave Digger or the Body burner and new task and business

The Coffin Maker

The priest or pandit some income and respect

The Transport person

The Caterer

The music people

If died in the Hospital, all the department charges, the ambulance.

If died due to some accident or suicide, extra income for Police, Government.

The newspapers for Ads, and now News Websites too.

A little high five people would need a beautician for the body to look its best before going down to the soil.

More people will travel for your funeral than your birth day, so transport guys have got some quick bucks to make.

Also the remembrances of every month and week, again profit for all AD guys.

To that matter, even people will pray more during that time, so more people to Talk to God.

Last but not least, profit for Mother Earth, one more burden gone, who would spoil the Earth.

So what do you think, aint Death more profitable than Life?

Contradictorily, my friend actually works in saving people's life. Now thats the more best part. But he is very much dedicated to what he does.

Brand Power....

                                








                                                            
                                      

A most innovative rendering of the economic crisis, looming large over the world brands. Brands known for their name stature and stability. Shaken up and stewed !!

Here then is proof that creativity never slips into recession mode. Indeed it improves !!

Death do us part???

No, I am not recollecting anything as of now! Heard of a death in the family yesterday a 70year old (mentally challenged all his life) was a uncle (bapu)to me, whom I distinctly remember and mom says the oly person in my childhood had made an impression on me by his innocent and affectionate ways.  What also made him stand out so clearly was an incident back home in Mangalore. That was the last time I saw him and Rohan and Me today remember him for all his moves and the oh so funny moves... Henry Bapu is no more!!! Just like that

Bought to mind the mortgages we plan for 35 years, the things to do list......etc. etc.  Gone with the wind is more like it !  But one can not stop living and one should not think the way I am right now, that's called despair! Know it all aren't I ? LOL !

All is well in the Mortal world though, lap of winter I hope, hasn't been so bad so far! Gearing up for the worst is probably the best way to go about things, even the average seems a boon then.......got around to putting the  wardrobe clothes in place just to keep track.  At the rate at which i have piled up wanted and the not wanted variety, I think i'll soon have to go for another one..

My Star *****

Nanu..... Mummy yelled yet again ! What are you doing ?? and there it goes i replied "NOTHING" - yet another Normal day (has the definition of Normal changed since I last checked).....if its still the same, why am I feeling at the end of my wits.

BACK IN TIME- and I remembered living in the chawl in Sakinaka me this time at the receiving end. Whoever said things go out of vogue ? Countless times, that I stood and sulked in the balcony - never was i good with criticism..............Be a sport they said, we are saying this for your own good..the words didn't help. I felt like a lowlife - but somehow am I doing the same !! Gosh I hate that.

How can one be positive with criticism ? Isn't that like you know contradiction ? So much to learn and already a lifetime has gone by, if not now when ?

26/11 - Memorial!!! Zara Hatke Zara Bachke.. Yeh Hai Mumbai Meri Jaan

I am not much of a News person, because stupid though I may seem, I have always been more interested in the news / happenings of friends and family, this I intend to change - lets say its a major part of my self renovation...

” Three years after 26/11, the safest person in the country is, ironically …….. …….. Kasab .. “

More than the above there is very little to convey on this day. Three years ago we sat helpless and angry at what unfolded before our eyes. Years after, we show solidarity in our feelings, remember those that sacrificed their entire existence so we could be well enough to remember them, make patriotic and emotional statements and get back to doing our job.. All those vulnerable spots that had been attacked are now fortified positions of heightened security, amphibious armed vehicles, commando units in force one attire, march pasts, hours and hours of dedicated broadcasting, editorials and pictured quotes from celebrities, an abundance of candles and prayer, placards of denouncement and strong will, politician bashing and more ….

But …
In a darkened corner of a home that has lost the light that they looked forward to, that loved and cared for them, that gave them hope and strength, that gave them the security of life .. has been put out permanently ..
And no amount of sympathy shall be enough for them that are left behind with this unhappy and sad occurrence. Mumbai has the spirit and the will to get back under all circumstances, but do they that succumbed, that suffered, that lost, have the will to get back ? This vast and colourful metropolis brings opportunity, an opportunity, that if not taken by ’forelock’ shall either never return or worse, go to someone else !

I feel fortunate to be a part of dis born free generation. We've never had any inkling of what it means to be suppressed and oppressed. To be in possession of your own home and to be told that it does not belong to you. But many of our countrymen, our brave countrymen did and did what they felt needed to be done. Their work results are what we today enjoy, and may we ever do so.

Tomorrow shall be another day, another issue, another front to capture or aspire for. Life’s cycle shall take over and grind us into its unending circle of time -

Living in Mumbai, All of us in some way or the other are associated with people of all castes. To me as a person, a human is good or bad irrelevant of his caste, creed or religion. It always amazes me how we generalise adjectives with communities and the effect it has.

How an incident in a remote village can trigger riots in the Country when a good incident may well go unnoticed ! Is it a media fault? Well who is to say, personally I do not watch the television media much because it depresses me. I would rather watch a SRK movie or d K series of Karan Johar joint family saga and shed tears on the happily ever after. Naive I know! but I think the world won't miss one critic who doesn't want to know - I can not say I don't care even I am not that audacious...

I believe.. Yes I Do

I Believe that the world is beautiful, that there still a ray of hope and in abundance if we can only let go ! I wouldn't call myself superstitious but at the same time I do not like to tempt faith. You know not that dare devil who will blaspheme and challenge the supernatural entity we want to believe that makes things work for us.
Lots been happening, I am on a learning curve, a divine one at that! Never knew that there could be relationships at a level where nothing at all mattered except unconditional giving! and not even minding it.

There is a new foodjoint in town ! Yummilicous for now, wonder why I felt very drawn to it, haven't even seen the place yet, weekend planning done (jhol) Lets see how things go! There is a lot of positive in the air around me (touchwood) and its easy to get carried away, but I am holding on for a change! Like i said Life is Beautiful !

Yet another day!!!

There is a sense of defeat and depression in the mind. An intense bearing of doing nothing.
Doing nothing to be doing what one is doing. Doing nothing in the midst of work and circumstances. In existence. There is a pulling in particular direction without cause. A direction that does not necessarily have any given direction or path.
Why is it so ?
Is it the lack of opportunity. Is it lethargy towards life itself. What is it. An uncertainty about everything sets in. This is not good. Mentally, physically or creatively. I must get involved soon. Idleness bastardizes the mind and thinking.
It makes me irreverential to everything that's happening around. More time is spent in dissecting and bisecting issues that have no connection with my life or anyone elses. Such a waste of energy and time.

It was another restless day at work today.. ha .. I am getting quite accustomed to this routine !
So I did something 2day after returning home from work that I had not done for months. I sat in the sun and drenched myself with Vitamin D (hehe). A sudden chill had overtaken me at work in the middle of last night. The sun bath made me feel so nice and refreshed.. Had a good day's sleep and now back to the normal routine of getting ready for work (dis tym of d day sucks)
On life and mortality. On trust and commitment. On ill will and exposure. On profile and vulnerability. And some concrete fixtures appeared. They were mine and were harsh and not conducive to balanced debate. So i refrain from making it public.

But I shall indulge .. someday.. this blog is my space and I shall never fear to fill it the way I desire to..

If Wishes were

Being mummy's girl, I have made my fair share of admissions and confessions to her. It, therefore, surprises me when I hear of my mom though a very content person right now (touchwood) still at times tells me that when she looks around youngsters, she wishes she had provided (or rather lavished) me with better materialistic things, events or posessions for want of a better word.
While I would have to be hypocrite not to admit the feeling of being deprived of parties,movies and such for a better part of my actual "fun" years. But as I look back these seem inconsequential somehow. SURPRISING !
With a big decission to be made in a few days and the days zipping past, I often than not wonder what the coming days are going to be like, what time and life have in store for me. Time will tell of course. But I wonder !!

The Bike & The Bottle (on the way to Murud-2006)

One of those moments, which I vividly remember and hope to do so till i breathe my last :) to the countless people who cross our paths, some faces,some voices some just virtual thanks to the mighty. I wished a friend for his b'day and he said I wasn't the same, wonder what that means ? To justify I don't think any of us ever remains the same, we change and we evolve, between relationships, between people, between circumstances. The honest to god, honest response that would have been practical and right a while before would seem rash and irresponsible in a matter of mere seconds or minutes.

Excuse the sombre note today, but lots happenning with life personal and professional, frustrated to the core, and knowing myself I can never be a mute standby(er) :D Give me the grace God today, to do the things I can and shut up otherwise ZIP UP :D

Expectations:)

Good day today, if I want it to be ! I met Fr.leslie my favourite person and guess what i'm impressed again (Mr.perfect that he is).... The most handsome person on the planet..Simple pleasure!

Saw Fr.Leslie, and am always amazed at the greater person he is become, if I do manage to get there by the time I am 40 I would be oh so grateful.

 Speaking to a friend I looked up to all my life the other day, I challenged him with a question of why it was wrong to expect from those to whom we have also given unconditonally. I find it outrageous when people say that it takes just one instance to break a relationship built over the years. I find it unfair, if it can break in a snap, it was not worth it at all.

Whatever I think even within myself, sounds like bragging so I will just leave it be. Picked a word of God today and it read :i'll hold your hand - more than enough for me. Read an email forward that said if the truth can hurt it is better to withheld it ! Where I have always been someone who dissects and tries to investigate and thus litigate most of the events in my life.

It is so surprising that while most of us reserve the right to get busy or get concerned with our own and theirs, they expect us to be there, be in touch and also rise above the occassion :) so here's the dilemma, accept them or do not expect ?

Finally!!!!

Yayyyyyyyyyyy. Yabba Dabba Doo.
Finally i've made it to the bloggers world... an online avatar..............

Feeling great