“WhY sO SeRioUs?”

Somebody once suggested to me:

People nowadays no longer want to hear the truth, or  heartfelt words, or need to see what is real, or the genuine side of things. That’s passe, no longer in fashion, boring, and it doesn’t get you anywhere. People want to hear words pleasant to the ears, what they want to hear, that are light, not too heavy, that need not be serious, for the fun of it, no need to be of substance, can be superficial, not to be taken seriously, of entertainment value, spontaneous, that show your reaction, say-it-here-and-forget-about-it-here type. Because life is heavy and tiring enough as it is. Is the explanation and rationale behind it.

Yes, a lot of times, I find myself taking things a bit too seriously. Taking the people around me too seriously. Taking life a bit too seriously. Taking myself too seriously. To attach too much value to everything said and done. I’m out-of-fashion, I guess. Not keeping up with the times.

“WhY sO SeRioUs?”

“DoN’T taKe mE sO SeRioUsly, wiLL U?”

Set. =)

Happy Teachers's Day!!!

You are a needed piece to my lifes's puzzle. Your service has played a great role in my individuality and in my life....

Dear Teachers any amount of Thanks wouldn't be enough therefore on this day of yours I am just passing you my wishes...

Happy Teacher's Day to you lovely people.

oxymoron?

Yesterday being Sunday went for window shopping with a dear friend at Bandra Link Road, and saw this cute red baby tee with these words on  it..

 

I can resist anything but temptation

This actually stopped me in my tracks, and I couldn't help but wonder how the writer came up with this neat but extremely baffling quote.

So simple but yet so complicated. Just like humans.

The Blog Rant

I have been a lazy blogger off late.

I guess it's always easy to use "I am busy" as an excuse. Looking back, that was a pretty lame excuse. I seem to have time for every other useless activity in the world such as updating my status on Facebook, composing stupid messages for whatsapp.. blah blah

I have become such a lazy slob.

I used to think that blogging is such a therapeutic exercise for me. I used to love the fact that people really liked reading my blog, and frequently engaged me with their comments and feedback. I used to enjoy blogging about stuff that was going on in my life - and verbalising my opinions and thoughts via this online platform.

Somehow, work killed all of that.

Perhaps the perfectionist in me is standing in the way between me and my blog. I am always looking for the perfect reason to write, as I want every post to be meaningful. I often struggle between blogging for the sake of having something on this page everyday, and writing about something that matters to me or the people around me. Gradually, because I couldn't find a good reason to write, I stop..
Another lame excuse I agree.

Perhaps as I grow older and older, I start to withdraw more into that little private space inside the shell. I become less willing to share my views, and more hesitant to baring my soul. I don't want people to know too much. I probably don't care either.

Perhaps I am too hard on myself. My friend told me I needed to have more faith in myself, and that I should stop putting myself down. I didn't even realise I was doing that. I always think people around me deserve better. Don't ask me why - I just feel so.

Perhaps I lack discipline. I have left this blog to rot and gather dust the same way I have let my mind slip, and my weight to balloon. I am so good at lamenting, but damn lousy at making the changes that will make me a much happier person.

Perhaps I think and worry too much. Perhaps I am lost and still not found. Perhaps I am just exhausted from carrying so much weight on my shoulders for so long.

Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps.

Perhaps all I need to do - is sleep.

Counting My Blessings

Contrary to popular belief, I am not always pessimistic. There are many points in my life where I would stop and take stock of my blessings, and take pleasure in counting them.

Sometimes I feel extremely blessed, akin to an overflowing cup of sweet water. I hear music in the rain, and feel the caress of the wind. The trees seem much greener, and the clouds look like white, fluffy candy floss.

I woke up today and counted my first blessing. Thank God I am stil breathing. :)

I sat up - and realised I have a very comfy bed indeed. Whenever I am in a bad mood, I would go shopping for anything and everything including beautiful bed linen. I simply adore my bed. It's something that all of us have, but many of us always take it for granted, don't we? How I wish I can just snuggle under my covers and not go to work. Having a bed to sleep in is undoubtedly, a wonderful blessing.

I looked for my phone and there i have so many texts from friends, wanting to know how i am . That's a blessing - knowing that someone cares.

Checked my email and am pleasantly surprised to recieve a e-card from a friend in London, who's feeling concerned after reading my blog. That's a blessing - knowing that someone is thinking of me even when she is 5 hours away.

Met up an old aunty over the weekend - and learnt that she is into beading. She gave me a pair of lovely earrings that she made herself. That's a blessing - knowing that I am someone really special to her.

Another friend bought me dinner last week. His generosity even extended to a chit chat session - where we sang our hearts out till 3am. That's a blessing - because I have been looking for loads of gossip for a longest time - and they appeared.

Another friend has been giving me lots of advice and attention at all times. Owe her tons. She's a blessing too - because she gives so much but expects nothing in return.

Yet another blog reader emails me daily with words of encouragement, bringing hope to my otherwise dreary day with anecdotes of his life and great book recommendations. That's a blessing - knowing that someone is always rooting silently for me - somewhere in the background.

As I was typing this entry, I thought about the people who will be reading this. And yes, you guys are also a blessing - because no matter what happens, you check in faithfully everyday to read my senseless ramblings. Day after day. Blog after blog. You even care enough to leave your comments - sharing with me the thoughts that are going through your mind.

Sometimes I wonder why - but then I remember I should always count my blessings, instead of questioning them.

And then I feel very blessed.

Choices

Life has never been a straight line. In a lifetime, one comes across crossroads, potholes, u-turns, uneven grounds, and sometimes, you will even come to the end of the road where there's no other way out.

I have been plagued with such feelings lately. My life revolves around choices big and small. Easy ones. Mind boggling ones. Difficult ones. Painful ones. Spiritual ones.

At the point when I am penning this blog, my life came to a crossroad. Four paths going in four different directions. Right in front of me there was this brand new road. It was smooth, brightly lit, and a solid white door at the end which opens up a whole new world of opportunities, and probably uncertainties. Who knows what lies beyond that beautiful door?
My future maybe?

Behind me was a war-torn battlefield. It's fraught with obstacles and littered with bloodied war memoirs. The road stretched on for miles, a reeking stench hanging in the air. What used to be glorious, mighty, formidable and highly respected have been reduced to nothing more than ashen rubble. This is where my struggles have taken root right now. My past.

To my right, a vast empty space spreads over the horizon. There wasn't a soul in sight. Just acres and acres of white sand. A bed in the middle of it all signifies the resting place for my tired soul. It feels lonely, and gets a wee chilly at night. Peaceful indeed, yet empty. I lay there often, with my eyes looking up to those stars winking with limitless optimism, and I ponder over my single status right now.

On the left, I see beds and beds of champagne lilies - its beautiful petals basking in the warm hue of the evening sun. Love's scent filled the air, embracing me in its subtle passion. It rained kisses on my fatigued soul, and nudged me gently to indulge in this lovely haven. I hesitated - because nothing's permanent. In the end, it may just be another short-lived mirage.

Choices. I have no way to avoid them, and yet I cannot make them. I feel like I'm in a mudslide sinking deeper by the day.

& then Who said You can’t Change the World?

We’ve heard about the starfish story. If there were many starfish stranded on the beach, why would you bother to throw them back into the water since you probably can’t save all of them? Well, at least you know, to each starfish that you threw back into the water, you made a difference, and that’s enough.

Be it a sincere greeting or a genuine smile, be it a simple helping hand or a pat on the back “well done”, or be it five minutes of your time or some encouraging words… If you can make a difference, just for that instance, that moment, to someone else’s day, a stranger, or a loved one, or a friend, that’s good enough.

We often hear that one person cannot change the world. Yes, you can’t change the world. You can’t control what goes on around you. But you know what you want and can do. If you want justice, live justly; if you want equality, live equally; if you want happiness, live happily. Don’t expect it of others; live it; be it. That’s the one, perhaps only, but best, thing you can do; and then who said you can’t change the world?

“You must be the change you wish to see in the world.” — Mahatma Gandhi

Not *Only History Is Infinite*

“Only history is infinite.” And that’s because our past, our story, our memories stay with us forever, thus infinitely with us and never taken away from us. Only what has happened can be said to have taken place and hence eternal because it cannot be undone.

Well… the future is also infinite, I think, with promise, potential, and possibilities. And perhaps even more so. By virtue of its limitlessness and mobile boundaries.

So not “only history is infinite”.

At the end of the day, they say all things come to an end, but it doesn’t then mean that all things cannot be infinite.

All things may come to an end… but all things are infinite.

The future is a continuation of history. Our future lies in our own hands, and in good hands too. To create infinity, to cross this side to the other side of the hill and then to the next, to bring together what was and what will be, what has come and what is to come…

Now, the existing moment, the feelings you feel, the decisions you make, is key.

voicelessness-facelessness

in our daily lives,

we hear many voices,

we see many faces.

listen only to the voices that matter, 

remember the familiar faces.

do we want our voice to be drowned out by all the other voices?

do we want our face to be lost in the faceless crowd? 

in a sea of voices, where’s your voice?

in a sea of faces, what’s your face?

Li’l Drops of Happiness!

I stood against the cool wind that caressed my face and ran its cool fingers through my hair, looking towards the darkness of the night and listening to the rain drops thrumming their little fingers on the floor. I stood there without a single thought. Just me and the nature’s music playing the soulful music of the rains. The drops of water felt so good, so cool against my face draining away all the frustrations, complaints. And the sweet smell of damp earth saturated the air reminded me of so many days I stood in the balcony, just to feel the raindrops on my skin, dancing like I had not a care in the world…

Sometimes, a few moments with yourself, getting drenched in rain are enough to relive those small little moments that leave you with a smile on your face…

I had one of those moments… Getting soaked to the skin… Like I didn’t have anything to worry about, like I was a little girl again… dancing to the nature’s melodies!

It's about Heartbeat, I think...

I’m really glad to have caught up with a group of friends today. It made me realise actually we all have our own sets of problems, be it with relationships or at work, big or small, and that, we are all not alone. Whatever individual bad experience you have had is not anything extraordinarily bad and which sets you apart from everyone else but to put it in perspective and in place, a bad human emotion, phase or experience which you share with many others before you and surely too, many to come, and if any consolation at all, that many before have traversed down the exact same path and felt the exact same emotion that you now feel, so there’s sort of a collective empathy so to speak if that’s any help at all. You’re not the only flickering or dimming star out there in the vast, dark night sky; there are thousands and millions like yourself, each feeling alone and preoccupied with the circumstance in front of them and that’s all they can see; just keep the light, however dim or flickering, because circumstance will change and things will take a turn every once in a while. I have been feeling like a block of wood for some time, as if washed out ashore, devoid of emotion or scared of it, lacking any inspiration, hence I haven’t been writing, because there seems to be absolutely nothing inside, as much as I have stared at the screen many times and tried to force or churn something out, to find an outlet. It’s been a rollercoaster of a ride, a huge paradox, a big enigma, it could be a neverending argument, a complicated dilemma, a seemingly irreconcileable conflict…

At the end of the day, what’s all these about? “Much Ado about Nothing”? “Love’s Labour’s Lost”? What do we make of it all? What sense? Life really should be easier and happier, isn’t it? Well, at least we should all agree that we deserve that little bit more, of happiness, no? Is life really about the process and not the destination? But of course right? Cos there’s no destination to speak of, non-religiously speaking? Life’s really about heartbeat, I think, whatever the process is, whether it’s smooth or filled with bumps and pitfalls, whether it’s improving or spiralling out of control, or even it seems to have come to a standstill, like a body of dead water. It doesn’t matter each time it’s happiness or misery or anger or disappointment or fear or pain or torture or gain or loss or nonchalance or calmness or confusion or mayhem or everything or nothing at all, there’s a heartbeat, however faint, fast or slow or to what rhythm or song, it keeps beating, like a live clockwork, keeps you alive. Never lose that heartbeat, constantly listen to it, feel it, what keeps it beating. When everyday’s a choice… Yes, easier said than done, we all know that, I know that too… But you can do it, I’m sure, you know it too. We all can.

You Don't Get Me?

I’m learning to do my part and care less. There’s too much to care about, much less what others want to think of me. Perhaps, I’ve been caring a little too much, my friend said. Got a piece of advice, maybe this is sometimes not a bad attitude to adopt:

“If you don’t get me, you don’t get me.” “I don’t get you too.”

True. For you to get me, first you must want to get me right? & it’s hard cos we need heart for that.

“You don’t get me?” “Sorry, but I don’t get you too.” =)

Love

essentially is about another being but too often we might have too much pride, arrogance, authority, and centredness in ourselves. Until we come to terms with that, we might not really know how to love.

The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world.. Love u Maa

There is a whole verse that I read a long time ago, cannot remember the exact words now. However just one line stuck in my head and that was "God could not be everywhere and so he made mothers." What a powerful saying and how true!!!

My mother for me is the most complete package of love God could have ever provided to me.  So many wonderful thoughts and memories come to my mind when I focus on what she had been to me all my life.  She has been a font and spring of my life, my strength, my enlightenment, the warmth of our home and a treasure of my tender memories. She is everything to me in my life….!  I shall never forget her for wanting me to live, for helping me to grow, listening to my anxieties and grief, understanding my silence,  and never the less accepting me as I am, fulfilling my dreams one by one and giving me a chance to walk on life's path with courage and diligence and all the more for her lifetime caring….!

During my turbulent teens, I thought she was my enemy, trying to discipline me through my temper tantrums. Yes I did love her, but you know I was "cool" and could not show my emotions. One day in the morning; I must have been around 15-16 years old; I was lying on the bed with my eyes closed. My mother thought I was sleeping. She came to me, ruffled my head, kissed me and said under her breath that she loved me. I knew then that this was someone who would love me however mean or terrible I was to her.

 I have grown older now and cherish in my heart the joys that I have known.  I thank you, Mom, for your loving care, for the beautiful memories you gave me and for your hugs and kisses…. 

Happy Mother's Day to All Mom's..

A year older, a year better, a year prettier!

birthdays are a strange thing
you’re pleasantly surprised by people whom you do not expect to hear from or who do not have to remember it’s your birthday but do so unfailingly
while those whom you expect or hope to hear from you do not hear from
each message received meant a lot to me and made me feel special

So I’m 26! I love this feeling… growing up but not quite… ‘Coz no matter how much older I get, there will always be a little girl who loves fairy tales and chocolates more than money and boys! A girl who is ready to give up going out with friends and her cellphone if even for once she can be 4 years old and run around the garden all day without the tensions and stress that she has to face as an adult.

I’m feeling great because my friends and family made this day very special for me! And when I say great, I mean it! I felt this great after a long time! It’s simply wonderful when you can spend you’re special day with your loved ones…

thanku Serena for that 1st call and the lovely wishes.. they do mean a lot to me.. love u babe and i luk forward to meet u this weekend

“real, raw, unedited”

just some rantings… sometimes you just want to say, well, this is me, take it or leave it. no more pretence, no more fear, no more baggage. no more what the world wants of you, no more living in the eyes of others, no more living in expectation, anticipation, or approval. take away the hypocrisy, take away the worldly affair. why does the world want or make us to be “fake/pretentious, polished/coated/shelled, edited/pieced together/cut and paste” as opposed to what we are or can be? ” i want to be as “real, raw, unedited” as i can be. as i am. how else could i live life, or do i know how to live life,  other than this, i asked myself.

Confessions of a lazy blogger

Yes, I do realize that it’s been about two months since I’ve last updated my blog, I did totally forget that I actually won a blog and that I should keep it updated. And I apologize to the non-existent readers of my blogs for the procrastination.

Now that I look back on the times I’ve sat in front of the computer and typed my heart out, I realize that it’s been a long time since I actually wrote what I wanted to, what I felt like, so I’ll do it today.

Why do some people get to be rich while the others have to work so hard to make both ends meet? Why can’t I pursue many careers at once? Can’t we just take over the Government and make everything right, no corruption, no nothing? Sometimes, I think my whole life is a dream and I’ll wake up somewhere, in some other part of the world only to realize that I’m just a crazy dreamer. Does that happen to you too?

I want to run away, to a distant land, not because I hate my life or because I’m sad and depressed, just because I want to see what running away feels like! I want to roll down a hill in a barrel, just like that. I want to do many things I can’t. Or maybe?

They say I’ve changed, maybe I have. Change is the only thing constant. Deal with it.

Too many thoughts, not enough words.

Hey There..

Hello there,

I’ve been meaning to write a post. And every time I opened the ‘New Post’ tab, nothing would come out. Nothing. I’m at lost for words and thoughts. Life’s a rush I can’t get hold of. And there’s a lot happening around me but I didn’t and still don’t know what to write, so I’ll just ramble.

There’s this thing about people, they’re all different, different thoughts, different wants and different expectations of others. Some people just expect others to shower them with extra attention, fake smiles, and words of affection which they don’t really mean. I just don’t know what people expect of me and I don’t even care if I stand up to their expectations. Why won’t they understand, I’m ready to be friendly and nice to them, but not fake?

Woah! So, I don’t really care about all the stuff with stuck up people, I’m just enjoying life. Life’s a rush, can’t really get a hold of it, can we?

I don’t remember you looking any better. But then again I don’t remember you.

Shut up, I'm ranting.

It’s been a while since wrote a silly ‘let me just rant about stuff no one cares about’ post, isn’t it? Well, here I am to give you all live updates about my extremely mundane and ordinary life. -drum rolls-

Actually, I just felt the urge to write. Write nothing, something. I don’t really know why I’m here and what I’ll write about. I’m just here because I am and I’ll let my fingers run wild on this keyboard, hoping it makes sense. To me, to you. I usually don’t like having no goal, no direction but sometimes, you just got to go with the flow, right?

This thing is, I’m feeling weird. Confused, shocked, sad, amused, a little useless and a billion other words which can not completely describe my state of mind. Maybe even a little insane. But that’s okay, because that’s what being young is all about, isn’t it? Being confused and trying to find the meaning of all the little things that make up our life what it is. I bet old people are just as clueless as us, they just keep a straight face for our sake and theirs. I guess I’ll just have to wait a few more years to find out for myself. By ‘a few more years’ I mean ‘lots and lots of more years’ because I don’t think I’ll ever grow up into a sane adult person.

That reminds me; I’ll be in late twentie's in a few month's time. I’m so, I don’t know if there’s a word for it, somewhere between excited and scared. On one hand, I look forward to whatever comes next but on the other hand, I don’t want to grow old. Now, I know each passing year as it come's is not exactly ‘grown up’ but it’s not exactly ‘fuck the world, I’m having fun’ year too. The point is i'm scared of the future.

Future’s weird, you know. You don’t even know if you have one. You never know what’s the last thing you’ll do. Maybe this is the last post I ever type or the last one you ever read. And that scares the shit out of me. The things, they keep changing. The people, they keep leaving. I’m lucky, I guess, to be alive and have the people I love with me, at least in this moment.

Anyways, what I was wondering yesterday is, how do we know the colours we see are exactly how the other people see them? We were born with our eyes, so we’ve never seen the world through anyone else’s eyes. That means you can’t be really sure if the green you see is not anyone else’s blue. The sky is blue but maybe your blue is someone else’s red, it’s just that they call red as blue. Does that make sense? I don’t know. The point I’m trying to make is, you just need to see the world a little differently and also I’m crazy, so don’t listen to me. And you are too, if you are still reading this.

On that note, I should probably shut up, but I shall leave you with a question. What are three things you wish you could tell some one but haven’t had the courage to?

Money Can’t Buy…

Love.

At least not true love. True love is not for sale, not for any price. It is the deepest of human connections and is invaluable. However, money can be an instrument to show your love for another. You can give money freely to those in need, without expectation of repayment. You can use money to provide shelter for those you love. But if you think you can flash cash and stuff money can buy to find love, you will live a lonely life.

Happiness.

Back when I was broke, I made a connection between my emotions and my spending pattern. I was an emotional shopper. When I was sad, I bought something. When I was happy, I bought something. Hey, at least I was consistent!

Spending money in an effort to influence our own emotions just doesn’t work because dollar bills are just band-aids. We have to identify the real reasons we are sad and do what we can, within our power, to turn those emotions around. Buying video games does not work. I can tell you from experience.

Contentment.

All the money in the world isn’t enough to satisfy an insatiable appetite for stuff. Have you ever seen those lottery winner documentaries on television? You know, the ones where the auto mechanic wins the lottery and all he ever wanted was to own his own home. So he buys a home…a huge one, and suddenly has an urge to fill that home with 18th century gold statues and other seemingly ridiculous collections.

On the other hand, if we are content, no amount of money can influence our spending. If we are happy with our current home, why buy a new one? Never been interested in expensive jewlery? Why start hoarding it after a big windfall?

Respect.

I have no more respect for the guy driving a BMW than the guy riding on his motorcycle. In fact, because I’m wired the way I am, I have more respect for the guy struggling to start his motorcycle. This reminds me of a story about my old doctor in the place I used to live in. He had a large practice and I assumed he made very good money (and I’m sure he did). I already respected the guy, but one day I saw him and his family out and about. They were driving a late model family car–I think it was a Ford.

Then I began to notice he wore the same clothes I did, shopped at the same stores I did, and basically looked nothing like most doctors I knew. He lived in a modest home, drove his own car, and basically lived a frugal lifestyle. I later learned that he spent his money – doing medical mission work. I sure miss that guy!