It's OK

It's OK if you're not the smartest, the wittiest, the first one to answer, the only one to come up with solutions, the sharpest, or the brightest.

It's OK if you're not the most beautiful one out there, or the most handsome, the fairest, the slimmest, the prettiest, the strongest, the most toned, or the fittest.

It's OK if you're not the bravest, mentally strongest, most organised, at the top of the world, most skilled, most successful, or the richest.

It's OK to be weak, to be afraid, to be lean, or to be fat. It's OK to fall, again and again, and earn bruises and wounds whose scars will remain forever. It's OK to be the learner,  to be tired, to be lost.
Because all the people you see and wish to be are not even half the person you are. They've never been in your shoes, or your mind. They never survived your battles, you did. Celebrate yourself, love yourself, because it's not just OK to be yourself, it's the best person to be.

Life doesn't appraise you in a report card

As a child I often wondered why I needed to go to school. Why did we have to sit through the torturous six hours every day? I wasn’t interested in the class nor was I interested in what was scribbled on the black boards. I preferred sitting in the last bench scribbling or drawing in the exercise copies meant for class work. I would watch the clouds, looking for imaginary figures in them. Sometimes a mother crow feeding it’s young one would catch my fancy. Exams brought in dread, now of course I know the fear has a fancy word; atychiphobia.

I wasn’t the popular girl walking with an array of friends. Hence most of the Tiffin breaks would be with a few friends whom I maintained or if not they I would prefer to be alone. I would spend time watching the seniors play basketball; sometimes watch out of the window or my usual pastime dreaming. On my lucky days I would play some silly games with my friends. I didn’t mind.

My report cards had average marks and remarks which remained unvaried even as grew older. I was neither the notorious kid nor the scholar-so called teacher’s pet. The report card failed me in getting popular.

Something changed and I managed to score a first class in my Xii and and not stopping till I graduated.  As I grew up came small or greater responsibility teaching me- Sacrifice, protectiveness, selflessness Perseverance and patience. Ageing elders taught me compassion and empathy. Every time i met new people I learnt about multi cultures, adaptability and adjustments. Every argument I had taught me resilience, compromise, transparency, trust, forgiveness and love.

One afternoon to avoid traffic rush, my friend and I decided to brave the heat and go to the market in the summer heat, standing under a tree, we just hoped we would get one auto to ride us home. There stopped an auto almost making our day. We were parched, fatigues beyond words. The amount wouldn't have mattered, but a smiling face agreed to drop us home. We got into the auto. From the rear view mirror we saw a smiling face riding, we started a conversation with him and I asked how old was he? He replied 19. Intrigued I asked why didn't he go to college? There began his answers, he replied he lost his father a year and half ago and he is survived by three children and a wife meaning his younger brothers and his diabetic mother and the brothers who are in class xi and VI respectively. He rides 6 hours every day and goes back home with Rs 1000. In the evenings he takes his brothers to tuitions and mother to the hospital. He returns home early else his mother doesn't eat. His father left them a house so no rent to pay.

He has 2 months left to finish the loan for the auto after which he plans to complete his education. He bought a scooty for his younger brother. He said" many relatives wanted to adopt us but then it would be a favour and we would be indebted “Smiling my friend asked "don't you have a girlfriend?" He kept quiet. I said "I know you do." He blushed and said, "yes ma'am!I do she was my classmate. She studies in second year. I ask her not to meet me but she won't give up. Her father once came to my house to fight." We asked all these auto guys fight over customers what do you do? He said "ma'am I know I have to work for 6hours a day, I do my work honestly and don't engage in any altercations."

A child in me asked him "so do you get chiding from your mum?" From the rear view he looked at me and said, "I have never done anything to get a scolding “When he dropped us home, he returned us a change of Rs30 to our 150. We have him an additional 20 which he refused to accept. My friend said, in the morning another auto driver charged Rs140. Hence we feel justified with the extra 20. Smiling again he said Rs 120 is justified. I asked him what his name was "Naveen Rathore" When we reached home we realized the ride home with this young man was more refreshing than any air conditioner. That day I learnt an invaluable lesson of true ego, self-pride and respect.

I may not be an astronaut or a CEO of any company, but what schools failed to teach life taught me beautifully. When a stranger turns a friend, I know I have been faring well in life. It doesn’t matter what you have scored in your report cards, life has its own parameters to appraise you.  Don’t let small failures bring you down; let them strengthen you towards bigger battles. I had once read: she was thrown to a pack of wolves she came back leading them.

Little Things

Do you cut your nails very short? If you do, you will definitely know the little annoying pain of that fresh skin underneath, exposed when you go a little over the line. Taken aback at first, it takes time to settle in to the new environment. But till the time it does, that irksome pain can wrench your peace. Little things they say. How they matter?

Maybe they shouldn't. We live in a world where the population is talked about in billions, there are more satellites in space than there are trees in some people's gardens. Asteroids bigger than Earth, stars larger than our Sun and probably so many black holes at the center of such so many galaxies. They all surround us, without us being aware about it. To think of it, we are a part of this colossal, intimidating vastness that is this universe. And we? We are just an infinitely trivial part of it.

Having had such a broader view of things, when we come to think of things, irrelevant small details, musings or vexations should not even begin to mark our concern. Then why does that under nail skin divide our attention? Why do we pay heed to anything frivolous and pointless at all.

Why do we care when someone doesn't return our calls? Why do we fret before meeting certain people. Why do we get happy to have had a chance encounter with someone we like? That warm coffee in the pouring rain, some of your favourite old clothes that you took off from the corners of your cupboard, old letters frayed at the edges with time and those colouring books you had as a child. All those little things, why do they bring you comfort and smile.

 That old song you first kissed to, remember? That message vibrating with your feelings which you never sent across, that old house you grew up in, where you mother cooked all the things you liked, why do they make you numb and speechless.

Maybe those little things in life matter too much to us than we realise. Little by little, one small memory after another they all come together to form a huge chunk of our existence. Momentarily contentment goes a long way too.

Like a clear road with no traffic in the early sun rise hours, your beloved ordering your favourite food without even been asked, an unexpected holiday, the last piece of pizza being saved for you, when your pen dries out at the last full stop of your last exam, these things count too. In their small trifling way they can lift your mood up. Too much to be thankful for. Isn't it?

So what are you thankful for today? For the not so crowded train, for the extension of the deadline or better, for all the little things that have created the timeline of your essential being.

Hope Of Love

It was a Friday Evening and I was a bit late to leave from office. Already late I thought I can take a late train the next day being Saturday and no daily chores. So I get a place to sit I was on my way back home and saw a group of ladies talking and discussing. I just waved and smiled.

“oh very late today?” I managed  to skip the tone and said “Yes just weekend”

On joining them I came to know the topic of discussion.

“That Uncle of a certain ***colony remarried! I mean Kids are settled , he has grand children and now … !!!

I was surprised , a big smile came on my face and I exclaimed ”Wow what a news. I mean…I would love to meet them. People like him are examples.  Really  Hats off to him. Isn’t it ?”
I was talking in my own excitement without realizing, that they were looking at me as if I am talking in Hebrew. I stopped myself and said “I will take your leave dear…I have to get down, already late today.”

I came home , had some water and was smiling , a smile which had no reason related to me and was not under my control.

I was smiling as among the daily news of broken and estranged  relationships  , I saw a gleam of hope!

I was smiling because among the daily complaints of age related issues , I saw someone taking  a challenge of age!!

I was smiling as it was proven that to live is to embrace life…..

I was smiling as I saw Hope of Love and Hope of Life……

I was really happy , even though I didn’t know the newly  wed couple , I wished them all the goodness of life.

Why are we as a society so negative and demeaning to people who are going their own way ?

Why can’t we follow the practice live and let live instead of just preaching it ?

Why are we so hypocrites, when it come to our children or our elders ?

Why can’t we , accept the change with a positive outlook and open arms ?

An elderly person , who lost the partner during a journey of life , held  the  thread of life with all grit to sustain as a single parent. For years he/she had life only for their children.

Another person had a sour relationship. Took the path less traveled and choose life over suffocation of  bad marriage. He/She   paved a beautiful path for their children so that they can have a lovely life of their own.

The little birdling’s are grown up now and flew away to make their own nest ! Now What ???

Why do we always expect elders of our society to accept and be sad due to empty nest syndrome? Why do we want them to always remember their kids and not have a life of their own ? Why only morning walks, laughter club , temples are considered appropriate for them ?

Why are we not open to someone, who looks out for a companion  with silver in his/ her hair.

Does life stops at 60 or 70 ?

Does life cease to seek a caring touch?

Does heart stop admiring beauty of life?

NO…..Than why are we so critical for people who dare to look beyond the assigned norm of life.

 Aren’t they the role models we need in today’s time? Shouldn’t we take a cue from their strength and conviction and love towards life ? Shouldn’t we say thank you to them for paving path for our friends….families and may be us too ?

Thank you for showing that evenings are indeed beautiful.

Life is not always about  following the rules….sometimes it is about following heart too!

There is No age for love, No age for companionship and No age to find a soulmate!!

Lets applause , lets smile and lets welcome all the duos who followed their heart and showed us the Hope of Love  and Hope of Life!!!

How it feels to be a Woman

Does a man ever realize what it’s like to be a  female , a lady , a mother , a daughter , a daughter-in-law , a wife and most importantly a woman ?

The responsibilities of these roles are not defined by anyone but being a woman …trust me we kill ourselves to not only perform and excel in everything but we also write new job descriptions every  single day , against each role , to make us better at it which is based on our previous experiences to make the life of our family better

Men talk about ladies being overly emotional ….….do they realize how much mental effort she is making to not show the intense turmoil she is actually experiencing inside herself , what is being exposed to them is only the tip of the iceberg . She gets hurts emotionally umpteen times and only ever reverts back a few

Men talk about wives not being accommodative with In-laws… do they realize how difficult it is to live with someone who treats you like a step-child every day for the entire year… year after year  ….and still pretend to be a happy wife as the in-laws look after their precious child.. 

Men talk about females behaving funny on periods …do they realize what it’s like to have multiple hormones causing havoc in your body every 5 weeks in a month , every month ..for most of your life and still go about doing your day & night job as if your body is infused with only happy hormones.. 

Men talk about a Mothers being always obsessed about their child’s every aspect ….do they realize that mothers live in a constant fear that either something might happen to the baby or she herself might die before her baby becomes a mature adult and hence all her actions are to nourish her child at all levels and make her child as independent as possible. 

Men talk about a daughter behaving funny and kid like when she goes to meet her family …and she does not behave like a mature wife of his ….do they realize that it’s only in this house ..her parent’s house … this small piece of heaven.. that she actually feels stress-free …in all true sense…. Alive.. 

Trust me we women did not ask God to give us the responsibility of bearing the child , of making our body a cocktail of hormones we are unable to decipher …of making the bond with a child so difficult to put in words … but that’s what we have got …so… If only a man could just try seeing it from a woman’s perspective even if it is to understand just one role for only one day in a year … you would be able to understand us better

To all the men out there who mock and pass funny comments like “Oh we don’t understand women”  … I can only say one thing … I hope in your next life you become a woman and then trust me you would know “

Happy Birthday to me!!!

I am an year older today. To be true, I don’t even know why I am writing this post. Maybe  because my Birthday is a so-called milestone. Maybe because I am loving the idea of calling myself a 29 year old.  

When I sit to write a post, I always have an idea as to how I want the post to turn out to be. Today, I have none. So this is going to be my first unedited post. Yep. No cuts, no pastes, no edits. I write while I am still drunk on the thoughts of being 29.

Do I want this post to be something like - what wrong things I have done in my twenties? Or what lessons I learnt? May be the good times I had? The regrets of things not done? I have no idea. So I am just going to write whatever comes to mind. May be all of it. May be none. 

I also know that I am not going to be a changed person suddenly. I shall not suddenly start showing different personality traits. Because the changes in you as a person happen only when you are not looking for them. That’s what you call growing up I guess.

When I look at the last decade, all I see is naivety and passion. The naivety of believing in people and passion of loving them with all my heart. I lived the last decade with so much precaution. Doing all the right things. Behaving the way I was supposed to behave. Shielding my heart from hurt. A life without risks. A life with caution. But that’s the worst part of it. Even the life lived with least friction couldn’t stop me from getting myself wounded. I was broken and bruised, tired and tattered. I got hurt and didn’t walk for some time. But eventually I did. Eventually. One step at a time. 

Whatever I am today, I am because of the falls. And I wouldn’t trade my current self for my younger self at any cost. I don’t want to go back to being what I was. When I heard older ones say this, I used to laugh. Why would anybody not want their younger selves? I mocked thinking this was like the sour grapes incident. You can’t have your youth back? So why not say you don’t need it anymore.

But when I say this today that I don’t want to go back to being a younger version of myself, I say it with conviction that only comes with age. I know I sound like I am 60. But that’s the truth of it. I never thought I could write such a pensive post. I never thought I would write serious things about me on the blog. And yet I sit here doing the same.

I don’t wish to preach people in their twenties anything. We all know there are enough posts about the topic and some of them are really good. Plus I am not somebody who is good at advices. To each his own. That’s what I believe.

In the societal version of myself, I should have been settled in a marital bliss by now. But I am not. And I don’t regret it one bit. I know I would do that eventually but not because it is the right thing to do in the eyes of the society but because I would want to.   

If I had to say something to my younger self, it would be this.

·          Read. Read whatever you can lay your hands on. Read because you are going to love it. Read because sometimes it would be the only thing that would save you from drowning. So read.

·         The second advice to myself would be this – Take risks. At the most it would turn out to be a wrong turn. But so what? It would at least add to the experience.

·         Travel a bit more. That’s one thing you haven’t done at all. So go for it.    

So if the above is what I wanted to do with my last decade, I hope I shall be able to do the same in the next. So when I sit down to write a post a decade later, I hope I would have followed the above and will have new advice to give to myself. That is of course if I am still around that time ;)

Now that I have given advice to my younger self, let me share some for my future self too. Like let me just say what I want to do next. I don’t know how much of it will actually work out, but still, here we go.

·          Learn to express yourself. I know, that coming from a writer is weird. But yeah, I suck at expressing myself in person. Whether it’s expressing love or being assertive.

·    

 I don’t know if this post makes any sense to you. Its unstructured and all that.  I don’t know if it would make sense to me if I read it again some time later. All I know right now is that I am 29 and I am loving it ;)