Shut up, I'm ranting.

It’s been a while since wrote a silly ‘let me just rant about stuff no one cares about’ post, isn’t it? Well, here I am to give you all live updates about my extremely mundane and ordinary life. -drum rolls-

Actually, I just felt the urge to write. Write nothing, something. I don’t really know why I’m here and what I’ll write about. I’m just here because I am and I’ll let my fingers run wild on this keyboard, hoping it makes sense. To me, to you. I usually don’t like having no goal, no direction but sometimes, you just got to go with the flow, right?

This thing is, I’m feeling weird. Confused, shocked, sad, amused, a little useless and a billion other words which can not completely describe my state of mind. Maybe even a little insane. But that’s okay, because that’s what being young is all about, isn’t it? Being confused and trying to find the meaning of all the little things that make up our life what it is. I bet old people are just as clueless as us, they just keep a straight face for our sake and theirs. I guess I’ll just have to wait a few more years to find out for myself. By ‘a few more years’ I mean ‘lots and lots of more years’ because I don’t think I’ll ever grow up into a sane adult person.

That reminds me; I’ll be in late twentie's in a few month's time. I’m so, I don’t know if there’s a word for it, somewhere between excited and scared. On one hand, I look forward to whatever comes next but on the other hand, I don’t want to grow old. Now, I know each passing year as it come's is not exactly ‘grown up’ but it’s not exactly ‘fuck the world, I’m having fun’ year too. The point is i'm scared of the future.

Future’s weird, you know. You don’t even know if you have one. You never know what’s the last thing you’ll do. Maybe this is the last post I ever type or the last one you ever read. And that scares the shit out of me. The things, they keep changing. The people, they keep leaving. I’m lucky, I guess, to be alive and have the people I love with me, at least in this moment.

Anyways, what I was wondering yesterday is, how do we know the colours we see are exactly how the other people see them? We were born with our eyes, so we’ve never seen the world through anyone else’s eyes. That means you can’t be really sure if the green you see is not anyone else’s blue. The sky is blue but maybe your blue is someone else’s red, it’s just that they call red as blue. Does that make sense? I don’t know. The point I’m trying to make is, you just need to see the world a little differently and also I’m crazy, so don’t listen to me. And you are too, if you are still reading this.

On that note, I should probably shut up, but I shall leave you with a question. What are three things you wish you could tell some one but haven’t had the courage to?

Money Can’t Buy…

Love.

At least not true love. True love is not for sale, not for any price. It is the deepest of human connections and is invaluable. However, money can be an instrument to show your love for another. You can give money freely to those in need, without expectation of repayment. You can use money to provide shelter for those you love. But if you think you can flash cash and stuff money can buy to find love, you will live a lonely life.

Happiness.

Back when I was broke, I made a connection between my emotions and my spending pattern. I was an emotional shopper. When I was sad, I bought something. When I was happy, I bought something. Hey, at least I was consistent!

Spending money in an effort to influence our own emotions just doesn’t work because dollar bills are just band-aids. We have to identify the real reasons we are sad and do what we can, within our power, to turn those emotions around. Buying video games does not work. I can tell you from experience.

Contentment.

All the money in the world isn’t enough to satisfy an insatiable appetite for stuff. Have you ever seen those lottery winner documentaries on television? You know, the ones where the auto mechanic wins the lottery and all he ever wanted was to own his own home. So he buys a home…a huge one, and suddenly has an urge to fill that home with 18th century gold statues and other seemingly ridiculous collections.

On the other hand, if we are content, no amount of money can influence our spending. If we are happy with our current home, why buy a new one? Never been interested in expensive jewlery? Why start hoarding it after a big windfall?

Respect.

I have no more respect for the guy driving a BMW than the guy riding on his motorcycle. In fact, because I’m wired the way I am, I have more respect for the guy struggling to start his motorcycle. This reminds me of a story about my old doctor in the place I used to live in. He had a large practice and I assumed he made very good money (and I’m sure he did). I already respected the guy, but one day I saw him and his family out and about. They were driving a late model family car–I think it was a Ford.

Then I began to notice he wore the same clothes I did, shopped at the same stores I did, and basically looked nothing like most doctors I knew. He lived in a modest home, drove his own car, and basically lived a frugal lifestyle. I later learned that he spent his money – doing medical mission work. I sure miss that guy!