Hello, 2013

So, it’s new year already! This year is going to be ‘last year’ in a matter of hours and I can’t help but wonder where did all this time go. 2012 was a good year by all means. Well, mostly a good year. Full of ups and downs, anything but ok

How do I begin to sum up all the memories of 2012? All that I learnt and all that I experienced? 2012 sure did teach me a lot of things.

My 25th Birthday, the decision to continue this blog, the trip to CHennai and Mangalore, new friends, old friends, the work stress, all the thousand parties we had for no reason, getting in trouble, acting stupid and laughing uncontrollably.

Here’s to all the shit we did in 2012.

New Year’s a time for new beginnings, amendments, fresh starts, love and fun. Here’s my set of promises and resolutions.

I’ll start working hard. I’ve been a really lazy girl all through 2012.

Start working out.

Try to control my temper and learn to be patient

Read more books

Try not to judge people before I actually get to know them.

Spend less time on the internet.

Okay, they are pretty crappy but still I’m sure I’ll never get through them. However, trying wouldn’t hurt, so. Wish me luck!

What are your resolutions?

Wish you a very happy 2013! Let’s put all the negative behind us and just be happy.

I love you, Mum!

Today as I lay in your lap and your fingers massaged my ankle because I had this nasty leg sprain, I was wondering of all the time we spent together fighting, laughing and you sharing the memories of your childhood and me complaining about how the ‘Wannabe’ girls of our school thought they were so ‘kewl’ and all the ‘I-think-i-am-so-damn-smart-guys’ who thought abusing others would help them impress the girls (sorry boys, but it won’t help)!!

I remember the twelve-year-old-me crying on your lap because a teacher in school thought I couldn’t dance. I remember the times when I would cry without any reasons and you would laugh on me for doing that. I remember the times when you asking me to sleep and assuring me I knew everything when I would be awake mugging up all the formulas , dates and places of whatever revolution/movements and what not the night before the much-dreaded examination!

I remember the times when you would be complaining about the time I spend in front of the mirror doing my hair. I remember you asking me how could I live in a messy room. I remember me saying that you’re so ‘ajeeb’ (means ‘strange’ in English… though I used it for ‘unique’)! I remember you moving your fingers through my tresses and telling me I’ve got beautiful hair!

I remember you telling about your high expectations from me and also that I’ve got the caliber to achieve what I want in life. I remember you telling me where I belong, among the best. I remember you beaming with joy in my happy moments! I love the I’m-so-proud-of-my-daughter-look!

I remember all the times you chose a dress for me and I disapproved saying that your choice is terrible and you saying the same thing about mine! I cherish those nights when you and me would tease Rohan about the girls in his class and chuckling with amusement when he would say that he’s a momma’s boy!

I remember all the times when you asked me who I loved the most in the world and I would reply ‘Sprite'!! But in my heart, I always loved you the most!!

I remember me telling you how you look like so and so in a particular saree and how you looked like so and so with ur spectacles! But in my heart, Mumma, you are the most beautiful woman on this Earth!

Thanks for being there when I need you as a strict but understanding teacher, a scolding mom, a loving mother and a true friend! Though I don’t say it often… I love you, Mum!

 

Christmas Lesson

The past weekend and this week "CHRISTMAS WEEK"  has started in a daze, started off with a leg sprain symptom and rapidly spun out of control. My left ankle is hurt and the unbearable pain.....

Looking back, I wonder why God wants me to go through this ordeal, and I think I know the response. If our boats are not rocked at one point of time or other.......we don't realise that it was steady that long :)

For now, grateful, thankful to the doctor for the temporary relief, on my knees (dont know till when)  or otherwise.......this would the most blessed and learning Christmas.

One of those few life experiences that I need to put down in my personal dairy.

for now.......for better or worse till the pain reappears.

Merry Christmas!!!

Dear 50-Years-Old-Me,

I’ve been meaning to write to you for some time now. I’ve really been wondering about you lately. What do you look like? What do you do? Have you done all the things you thought you’d do when you grow up? Did you meet someone worth spending your whole life with? And if you have, does it feel like the fairy-tales you grew up listening to?

There’s so much that I have to say to you but every thought in my head just gets mixed up into a complete mess. I can picture you somehow, living in a small cottage on a sea side with a room which is filled with books. Or maybe in an apartment in a small town with your two babies that you always wanted to have.

I hope you have changed for the better and yet remained the same 25-years -old girl who is writing to you. I hope you still write, and I hope you remember the joy writing gave you. Do you remember that you wished you’d have a book published one day? Is that wish fulfilled yet? I hope you have fulfilled the dream of travelling around the world all alone, living with the natives, learning about the cultures and clicking a thousand pictures, like they do in the Tv shows. I hope you have reached all the milestones you had set for yourself. I hope you are happy with who you are.

Are you still in contact with your friends? I hope you remember they meant the world to you… I hope they still do. Remember all the parties, night-stays and all the fun? Have you still got the crappy sense of humour I have? Are you still the person who has a fear of being surrounded by darkness? Are you still the crazy person you were?

I hope you remember this blog, with all its stupid rants and childish poems. Remember how this was a getaway for you when you were super sad or super happy? Ooohh, do they already have time-machines? You might want to give me a sign if there is.

You know how songs bring an avalanche of memories, right? Do you listen to those songs I listen to now and feel nostalgic? I hope you remember me in excruciating details. One day you’ll be narrating about these days to your children,if you aren’t already doing so, like my mummy does to me.

If you read this, I want you to go to a library and borrow the books of Paulo Coelho and read it. Remember how you used to stay awake till 2 am, just to read it without mummy knowing? Remember how attached you grew to his stories? I hope Harry Potter is still a part of your life. Sounds childish, right?

I’m very curious about how you’re world if different from mine. Flying cars, talking to aliens, global warming, time travelling and unimaginable miracles, is it? Well, I’m not sure so much would have changed in 15 years, but who can say anything about the future?!

I don’t really know how to end this letter. It’s so chaotic but I think you’ll remember that I’m a muddle head. I just hope you’re a happy person and somebody who your almost-25-year-old-self will be proud of.

That's Just

…the way I am.

I can’t explain myself. I’m a lot of people. You might see me sitting in a corner with a book on my lap, or even laughing and dancing in a party. You might think I’m happy all the time, but I could be hiding a tankful of tears. You might think I’m an extrovert and just then I’d sulk back in my own little bubble. Sometimes, I might seem too wise for a twenty-five year old, and sometimes, I could surprise you with my absurd nonsensical talk. I might seem strong, but I might be a bag of nerves. I could love you with all my heart, but when it comes to saying it out loud, I won’t. I might flirt a lot, but I won’t let you in my heart. I say I don’t like clichéd love stories, but I’m really thinking of my own.

I couldn’t ever figure myself out. I won’t ever be. I often lose myself in the thin line that draws between ‘who I am’ and ‘who I am supposed to be’… I’m ugly, imperfect, nerd, friendly, shy, extrovert, introvert, fun to be with, boring, interesting… all at the same time…

And that’s just the way I am. Whether you accept it or not.

Those Pesky Days

When I was in Kindergarten, a piddly kid of 2-3, I would look at a friend and her friends in high school with envy. High School seemed like heaven, and I would worship the friend and co. with an ardor only a hankering child can muster.

The college teen.
This time college seemed like paradise. And I hoped and prayed to be transported into their world. No uniforms, no attendance, no notebooks being checked daily, no carrying mom’s chapati's and idlis for lunch everyday. Sigh. College was so cool.

Yet again, by the time I had chugged through school to enter graduation, the paradise had moved. College was fun, yes. But just look at all those people who are working. No cooking up excuses to pester mom for yet another increase in the monthly allowances, no 2nd class train journeys on ‘student budgets’.
Yes. that was it. To earn was the best gift to mankind, finalized the mind during yet another drowsy lecture.

And now, as the ‘earning stage’ has also been sampled, the fickle mind longs for the Kindergarten days . The days of detached happiness, when the only stress was to learn the 26 alphabets, while trying to learn what 26 meant .

 Remembering about the ‘good old days’ with a friend. She says they’re good only because they’re over…even though they bring back happy memories. She’s smart. Me? My fickle mind can’t even decide which of the old days were really good.

Sigh!
Does a fickle mind bug you too?